


Be Home Soon, Dean

by ProfoundlyInLove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Addiction, Army, Birthday, Christmas, Christmas Time, Coffeeshop AU, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Fighting, Foreshadowing, HEARTBREAK MOTHERFUCKERS, Heartbreak, I forshadow in my own tags, Iraq, Leaving, M/M, Military, Multi, Party, Recovery, Rehab, Sabriel - Freeform, Suffering, back story, barbrawl, herion, i dont write the smut, it hurts to hurt my bby, long build, oolala, reserves, solider!Dean, this pains me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfoundlyInLove/pseuds/ProfoundlyInLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Love Story of Two Men, who defy every odd thrown their way.</p><p>After being thrown out of the house at 17, Dean leaves for Chicago. After years of building his life up from the ground on his own, he’s thrown back into his life after seeing Sam. But when an unusual patron comes into his coffee shop, he’s forced to deal with one part of his past he never thought he’d see again. But things aren't ever what they seem, especially when it comes to Dean Winchester.</p><p>Firs ever Long fanfic. Sorry for its crappiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffee and a Muffin, Please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a Love Story of two men, who defy every odd thrown their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://8tracks.com/profoundlyinlove/be-home-soon-dean

" _Get out and never come back_!" John yelled at his eldest son, whom was terrified. He never expected to be kicked out for being bisexual. Dean grabbed his bag of clothes and essentials, not knowing what to expect. It's not like in school they teach you about being homeless and what to bring when leaving home without any plan.

"John please, you love him." Mary pleaded, not wanting to lose her son. Sammy was at soccer practice. He'll come home to a home without his brother. Considering how close they were, it would be like dropping a bomb on his life. Finally all the bomb drills John had them run would become of use.

"No! He's a cocksucker and he's not welcome in my house."

John had always been abusive to Dean, as long as he can remember actually. He'd gotten used to it at this point, he was glad it was him and not his Mom or Sammy. Mary tried desperately to save Dean, but John was an angry, strong drunk. It's hard to save someone in that situation as woman who weighed less than 130. He would break furniture, usually by throwing Dean into it. Dean remembers vividly when he was thrown into a glass table. It shattered, and cut into Dean's back. There are many scars on his back because of. So he chooses to not let anyone see it.  
  
Dean had a " _friend_ ", and family in this town, but instead of staying with them he took the next train to Chicago. He chose to not say goodbye to anyone. He couldn't handle that much pain. So leaving was the only option, he thought. It made sense to the emotion fuled teenager who was just rejected by his family. He didn't want to be a burden to anyone anymore.

Dean turned eighteen soon, and with the money he earned at the Roadhouse as a busboy, he made enough to rent a awful apartment. Better than couch surfing, though. At first, all he had was a mattress on the floor, and kitchen from the 1800's.

Nobody really asks why he was there, thankfully. But inside, Dean had an answer. This is the city that he and his boyfriend decided they'd go to during the summer before college. So technically Dean went. He started classes at Saint Augustine University in August. He studied business and Child developent. At twenty four, he took out the loan to start his business. A coffee shop named "Brew the Day." It made Dean laugh, at least.

He hadn't talked to his family since that night. Not even Sammy. He did what his Dad wanted. To leave, and never come back. He knew he couldn't call home, because John would find out. And there was no way of getting around him. No cellphones, and John screened the mail as well. He missed his mother and brother more than anything in the world. But, choosing not to say anything to Cas was his choice. He couldn't face him.

Cleverly, he'd opened his shop next to a bar. He thought when all the drunk kids would come out to sober up, they'd need coffee. He was right. Great business. The owner next door was eccentric but Dean liked him. His named was Gabriel. Sure he had a habit of playing jokes, but he was a fun guy. Sometimes after hours they'd see who could handle the most shots of tequila. Dean usually lost, because Gabriel was too stubborn to stop. Once he was on the verge of alcohol poisoning but he kept going. Thats determination. They'd usually end up passing out either in the bathrooms or booths of the bar.

Now, Dean was twenty six years old, and the coffee shop runs smoothly as possible. He goes in at five am every morning to get things ready for the morning rush. Fridays were relatively calm, since most everyone was out getting drunk nextdoor. He knew Gabe would show up around seven asking for free coffee and muffin. Which he always got, since Dean mooched on Gabe's endless amount of booze.

When the shop opened, with Jo and himself behind the counter, they started their usual routine. She'd take the order, chat up the customer, while Dean made the coffee. They traded all the time whenever someone wsas sick of what they were doing.

"Jo, can I nap down there with Winchester?" Ash said looking over the counter to see Dean sleeping against a bag of coffee beans.

"Leave him be, Ash. Today's a bad day for him." Jo frowned. He'd only agreed to rest because he was so nervous and sad.

"Today's the day he left, right?" Ash asked, Jo nodded. Dean wasn't one to slack off at the shop, but this day makes him very emotional. Missing his mother, his brother. His "friend".

Dean awoke suddenly, while breathing "Crap." He scrambled up and fixed his clothes, also wiped the drool from him mouth, 'Embarrassing' he thought.

"Dean, relax, bad day. Everyones got em'. " Jo said, putting her hand on Deans shoulder. Dean nodded but couldn't stop thinking about the bad dream he'd had. It was when he'd been thrown into the glass table. He remembers the whole ordeal vividly. It all started because of his grades that sememester. Dean wasn't exactly great with numbers, or chemicals unfortunately. So Chemistry and Trigonometry weren't stellar. Even with the A's in History, English, Creative Writing, and Drama. He was a creative person, not a math person. Anways, when John was informed of the grades, the yelling began. Dean probably would have never been thrown into the table if his mother hadn't tried to stop the fighting, because when John went to slap her, Dean shoved him back and yelled, "Don't you dare touch her!" It all went downhill from there.

"Still, theres a back room, why'd I choose somewhere customers can see?" Dean frowned, going to the counter when he saw someone walk up.

"One froofie drink and a chocolate muffin." Gabe said, grinning. Dean rolled his eyes, laughing. "Coming right up." Jo went to mix Gabe's usual coffee while Dean got a muffin out of the case.

"Hey Jo, how's your mom doing?" Gabe asked. Ellen, Jo's mom, was the one who baked all the goods they sold. They could easily say they sell the best baked goods in Chicago, but to keep from being vain, they don't.

"She's good, Gabe, thanks." Jo smiled, handing him the coffee.

"Course. Anyway, came to tell Winchester that as a cheer up, we're going to a party." Gabe smiled gleefully. The man loved his parties. Even though they always ended up with his head in the toilet bowl. Or an ER visit.

"Absolutely not!" Dean said firmly, while grabbing a cookie from the case for himself. Mid day snack he liked to call it. Jo called it early diabetes. Dean couldn't care less, he remembers as a kid, their family friend Bobby Singer said that he was surprised he hadn't dropped dead from cardiac arrest.

"I have blackmail." Gabe said, staring Dean down. Dean's eyes narrowed.

"I dare you."

"Jo, did you know that Dean had sex with his History professor? Who was a 36 year old man, when he was nineteen?" Gabriel spilled out, causing Jo to do a spit take laughing, whilst Dean dropped his coffee on the wood floor.

"You're kidding me!" Jo laughed, nearly hysterically, as Dean yelled, "I told you that while drunk, that's just low!" When the bell on the store door rang, they calmed a bit long enough for the exhausted college student to get their expresso and leave. The room burst into hysterics of laughter, near tears.

"Fine, party, where at?" Dean laughed, wiping his eyes.

"Some frat house, drunk students were talking about it yesterday. We're young enough!" Gabriel said, grinning. He always was a good snoop.

"Oh come on." Dean groaned. "You're going." Jo and Gabe said together. They both knew how guilt ridden he'd felt recently. Sam's birthday was in the past few weeks. Twenty-Two years old. Not that anyone knew about this, but the night of his birthday he stayed home, made a cake, and watched the candles burn until they were melted puddles on the cake. There may or may not have included sobbing and listening to Hey Jude on replay.

"We're out of College, Gabe." Dean sighed. "Yeah, barely." He snorted. "Four and five years is pretty substantial." Dean shot back, wiping down the counters. "Don't you have to work tonight, anyway? Busiest night of the week." Dean said, putting things back into order since the long day has taken its wear.

"Nope, got enough kiddos working that I can skip out tonight." Gabe grinned like he was a kid in a candy store. "One more muffin for the road?" He asked, Dean tossed him one, the door bell rang as he left.

"Hey Jo, would it be awful of me to ask if I could check out early? I have no food at home and need to go shopping." Dean said honestly. If he was being truthful, he hadn't had food at home for days because he's been too depressed to go out for groceries lately. But somehow the idea of going out with Gabriel gave him the oomph he needed.

"Go ahead, I've heard your stomach since I came in this morning." Jo laughed, with a serious undertone. If she knew how long it'd been since he had an actual meal, she'd probably kill him herself.

"Thank you!" Dean said, kissing her cheek. He made sure to grab his wallet and his bills for the shop before leaving. The sun felt nice on his skin as he walked down the street, to where he parked his baby. When he saw a rent a cop checking meters, he made a run for it, getting in and starting up the car faster than he thinks he ever has before. One thing he hated, was getting tickets. He could remember as a teenager the amount of times he'd be pulled over just for the car he drived. Car-exist if you ask him.

Grocery shopping was short lived, if he were to be honest, he felt completely overwhelmed by the situation and just got what was absolutely necessary for him to survive. Enough food for a few days and bottled water. (Since the water from the tap in his apartment was tinted grey and tasted of motor oil.) Getting home gave him a sort of peaceful feeling. Even though he wouldn't call this place a home, more like a shack of an apartment he was staying in. Home will always be where he ran away from. With his family. Cas.

"Dean maybe you should see someone about it?" Jo said over the phone, while closing up the shop. She knew the ins and outs of Dean, how guilty he felt for leaving everyone behind. How depressed he felt over being rejected by his own father. Over everything. Sure he made a good life for himself, but when it came down to it, he was a single guy living in a shit apartment alone with no family.

"Maybe you're right. It's getting out of hand." Dean said frowning. He couldn't help but feel a little pitiful to even be talking about this with Jo, but he knew if he tried to talk to Gabe about it, he'd take him to a strip joint, hitting on anything that moves. Not exactly what Dean needed right now. But then again, he didn't know what he needed. Just, not that.

"Dean Winchester, admitting he needs help. Didn't think I'd live to hear that one." Jo laughed, Dean rolled his eyes. He wasn't one to ask for help. But the few times he does, he goes to Jo. They'd met in college, after freshman year the got an apartment together. When her mother caught wind of that, she thought they were together. Which was followed by "Mom he's in love with some guy from his past, doesn't date." While awkward, it cleaned up the mess faster than expected.  
  
"You think you're hilarious." Dean said dryly. Someone started banging on Dean's door, assuming it was Gabe he sighed. "I think Gabe's here to make sure I get ready, talk to you tomorrow, Jo." He could hear her laughing, so he hung up.

"Dean, open up!" Gabriel yelled through the door, banging it as many times as possible before Dean could get to the door. When Dean opened the door, Gabe's hand connected with Dean's chest. He let out an oof, staring down Gabe who only smiled. He couldn't tell if it was on purpose or not, but then again he never could. He was one of those people who was always joking, and pulling pranks, so often that theres rarely moments hes not pulling some joke.

Gabriel pushes his way into the apartment, looking around. He hasn't been in the apartment for quite some time. There isn't much different except his bedroom. "Dude, we need to have a talk about this food situation." Gabe frowned. Dean waved him off to go get ready for the party.


	2. Chapter 2: I'm Here for the Free Booze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College parties aren't nearly as fun when you're 26 and needing to be up for work in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cracked this chapter out pretty quickly! Hope its not complete crap, because the whole dramatic part made me sad inside ok

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Dean asked skeptically as they drove up to the house. It was college all over again. The amount of times Jo had pulled his head out of the toilet because of these parties, was staggering. Considering Dean could hold his liquor fairly well, that goes to show how Dean spent his off days during college. How he managed a graduating gpa of 3.9, they'll never know.

"Of course I'm sure!" Gabe exclaimed, hopping out of the impala. There was a stead stream of people heading into the overfilled frat house. Amazingly, there were already people passed out on the lawn. If that were him, he'd be mortified. Luckily, he'd had Jo to drive his drunk ass home.

Dean followed Gabe into the house, his ears being assaulted by the music. Sure he liked his music loud, but this was just deafening. How people held conversations with it on, was beyond him. Especially since it was the annoying pop-garbage you hear on the radio. He'd choose Metallica over this crap anyday. Dean remembers when he mentioned that in college, he was referred to as a hipster and laughed at. Dean could only roll his eyes, though he wonderered what the hell a hipster was and how he'd become one.

"Hey there, stud." A girl said, laying her hands on Dean's chest. He raised his eyebrow, thinking 'What the hell?'. Sure he loved easy women, but this was just slimey. He took the beer out of her hand, "Hun, go lay down." She scowled at him, slinking off. Gabe looked at him with an expression that said, "Dude, what the fuck was that?" Dean only shrugged, taking a swig of the bear and pressing on. These parties were much cooler when he was in college. Now they're just a breeding ground for HIV and herpes. Neither of which Dean was wanting to get in on.

Gabriel trailed off when he heard about a kegstand. Dean waved his way through the people, getting a drink every so often. Tonight definitely wasn't the highlight of his life. He was more or less bored to tears. He'd much rather be at home, finishing War & Peace. This may or may not be the fourth time he's read it, but who's counting?

Someone grabbed his shirt, and started dragging him. "You're doing the kegstand or I'm keying your car." Gabe said, pushing him to the keg. Before he knew it, two guys pulled him up and he was upside down in seconds. He could almost feel his bloodturn to alchohol. When they put him down, he staggered back, into Gabriel. "How the hell are we getting home?" He asked. Gabe only shrugged, not really caring about the problem they had on hand.  
  
As he wobbleded around, memories were flooding back. Of one party in college, actually, his senior year. It'd been his birthday, and they were celebrating. It'd been a great night until someone suggested they send the drunk photos to his parents. Then he'd locked himself in his bedroom and wallowed in his own self pity. No one could get him to come out, not even Jo. He'd spent the remainder of the night writing another one of his unsent letters. Now at twenty-six, he'd collected hundreds of letters that he'd written. Some for his brother, some his mother. Many for Cas. All stamped and sealed, just never sent. He kept them in a box, at first it was small. But over the years he'd ungraded a few times.

Dean slumped into the wall, everything in the room getting hazy and undistinguishable. His eye lids drooped heavily, he felt warm and tingly. Somewhat reminded him how he felt when he'd taken too many opiates after he broke his arm last year. Tempted to curl up on the floor right there, Dean yawned when someone over a mic announced, "Hey everybody!" Which snapped him back to reality. The man was tall, but not nearly as tall as the guy next to him- he couldn't help but think how familiar the man looked, but that was probably just the booze talking. Shaking his head, he looked around the room for Gabe while the shorter guy was talking.

"Gabe let's split." Dean mumbled, clamping his hand on Gabe's shoulder.

"One minute, I wanna get that fine ass of a mans number." Gabe slurred, pointing to the overly tall guy. Dean followed him to where Gabe had the guy cornered. Dean was looking around the room, not caring to see or hear, or hell be any part of what Gabe was about to do.--

"Dean?" someone asked, his head snapped forward, looking at the tall man. Gabe's eyes went wide in question, and Dean didn't have an answer to give.

"How do you know my name?" Dean asked slowly, half prepared to book it, thinking he was some murderer. But then again, Dean was the one at a frat party for a college he didn't attend, that's more murderous than a college student.

"You don't recognize me?" The guy choked out. It sounded like Dean had stepped on his heart and crushed it. His eyes looked like they were a floodgate about to burst open. The guy was shaking from his head to his toes. Almost like his knees could give out any second. Maybe the guy had too much to drink. Dean's had his fair share of 'I know you right?'s while drunk, but hasn't everyone?

"Well, I'm sure I didn't sleep with you. I haven't seen you at the shop..No, I'm sorry, I don't recognize you. I don't even go to school here, well not anymore. Just here for the free booze." Dean smiled, holding up his beer. Gabe shook his head, almost as if he was saying "now you choose to joke."

"Dean.." The guy carried off, just staring at Dean, awestruck. He reached his hand out toward Dean, prompting Dean to step back. Which made the guy act like his puppy had just been kicked.

"Dude, I don't know you. Maybe lay off the booze, huh?" Dean said calmly, feeling bad for the guy. He really looked a mess. How he knew his name, though, was beyond him.

"Of course you don't recognize me. You left when I was thirteen, big diffence." Dean dropped his drink, staring at the guy. Sam? No. There's no such thing as coincidences.

"Gabe, this isn't funny!" Dean yelled, shoving Gabe back, retreating into the crowd. He heard his name being yelled, but he ignored it. That couldn't be Sam. What was the likelyhood of him being in the same city, same college he'd gone to, same party...It's not possible.

Cold air hit Dean's face as he ran out the door. He fumbled for his keys when he heard the guy start talking behind him.

"Your name is Dean Winchester, your parents are John and Mary, when you were 14 you brought me to Mazeland through the break in the fence for my birthday, you have a cassette tape collection in your car that were Mom's, and you left for nine years and never looked back." Sam spat, standing on the front steps of the house. Dean only a few feet ahead of him.

"You think I never looked back?" Dean asked, turning around. His eyes were watering. His brother thought he abandonned him.

"I come home from soccer practice and Dad tells me you've run off saying you wouldn't be opressed by him anymore." Sam says, almost disgusted.

"Sammy, Dad threw me out! He called me a cocksucker, and told me to never come back! You actually thought I'd leave you and Mom with him by my own choice?" Deans voice cracked and tears fell down his face, looking his baby brother in the eyes. Though he wasn't much of a baby anymore. Grown man, actually.

"What?" Sam said, his whole life had been built around his big brother choosing to leave, and to find out that was a lie, shattered his beliefs.

"I'd have never left you both if I'd had the choice." Dean said quietly, walking towards Sam.

"I hated you, for so long." Sam whispered, not meeting Dean's gaze.

"I'd hate me too. How's Mom?" Dean asked, hopeful for information. He'd longed for his Mom for a long time. Wanting to be hugged by her one last time, to make her proud. He could remember her vividly. How she always smelled like cookies, and always came to say goodnight, and that angels were watching over him. The way she sang Hey Jude to him when he was having a hard time, and never letting him sleep past eleven. He missed every part of her.

"Dead." Sam spat out.

Dead? He must of heard him wrong. No. That can't be right. His mom..No. She can't! The emotions Dean felt made no sense, but it felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"What?" his voice was strangled, he could barely get himself to say that one word. His mother can't be dead. Can't he go back to happy fairytail land where both his brother and mother were safe, happy, and far away where he couldn't hurt them anymore.

"She killed herself six months after you left." Sam deadpanned, his eyes filled with hurt and guilt.

Dean could feel his chest sinking, he couldn't get himself to inhale. At that moment he wished he was dead. At that moment, he felt dead. His own mother had killed herself, years ago. Over the years he'd been celebrating a dead womens birthday, writing a dead women letters, missing a dead women. He'll never be able to show her how he graduated college, against all oods, or how he's running his own business, or...anything. Because she was dead, and never coming back.

"Why?" Dean felt like his knees were going to give out, he reached out for the support of his brother. He grasped onto Sam's arm, nearly hyperventilating.

"Dean, she couldn't take Dad anymore. Especially after you left. I came home one day, she tells me she loves me and that shes going to take a nap, and I never talk to her again." Sam's voice sounds dead. Like he's told the story a thousand times, but never hurts any less.

Dean's internal thoughts were going haywire. His mother was dead, he was part of the reason she was dead. Guilt covered Dean like a thick quilt in summer heat.The only logical thought Dean had was to run. But he didn't, not when he had Sam. Running would only leave him alone again.

"Here, I'll drive you home, since you obviously can't drive. Find you friend and meet me out here." Sam said, smiling smally. Dean handed him the keys to the impala to go find Gabe. (Who was found sucking face with a frat guy.)

"Tell me where to go." Sam muttered as Dean climbed in shotgun while Gabe laid in the backseat. Dean silently prayed that neither of them would throw up and ruin the leather.

"Englewood, southside." Dean said, looking back at Gabe who gave him a thumbs up.

"Englewood? Seriously? You chose the worst part of the city." Sam huffed. Dean rolled his eyes, sure Englewood was bad, but worst?

"If it makes you feel better, my shops up by Lincoln Park." Dean smirked, leaning back into the seat to get comfortable. "That's how I met this asshole." Dean said pointing at Gabe with his thumb.

"What, do you own it together or something?" Sam asked genuinely. Which made both Gabe and Dean laugh.

"Hell no, he owns the bar next door. Called Angel Shots. Horrible name, right?" Dean laughed.

"I've been there! Mechanical bull, right?"

"That's Bessy, my pride and joy." Gabe mused, making everyone laugh. It's crazy to think Sam was that close all along. "Does that mean you own that coffeeshop, Brew the Day?" Sam asked, while waiting at the red light. Dean nodded.

"I've been in there, the girl who works there, she's pretty. Girlfriend?" Dean made a gagging noise, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

"Jo? She's like a sister, we met in college."

"I'm still shocked you went, I remember you saying college was for pretentious assholes." Sam laughed, as Dean pointed which way to turn, down a sketchy road. It was the kind of place that you wouldn't stop at a red light because you'd be afraid someone would come up to the car and bash your brains in.

"Dude, I was seventeen and had no real life experience!" Dean said defensively, but laughing.

"So dude, what'd you do this whole time?" Sam asked, still following Dean's directions to the apartment. The amount of red lights they hit was unfathomable.

"Well, I went to St Augustine, busboyed for the longest time at the Roadhouse. Opened up the shop, met this asshole, pretty much turned my whole life around and built it up from ashes." Dean said, slightly impressed with himself.

"Why'd you never call? Or mail?"

"I didn't want any trouble from Dad." Dean admits. Dean still was, and probably always will be afraid of the man. Had the temper of a bull who liked to stomp around in China shops. Sam sighed, understanding. Dean could tell he didn't like the answer he got, but knew it was for the best.

"Stop and park here, my apartments up there." Dean said pointing at the oldest, most desolate building on the block. "There? It looks like it's condemned!" Sam exclaimed, as if he were actually concerned a buldozer would show up and knock the building down. Both Gabe and Dean were out of the car, walking to the door of the apartment building.

"Coming?"


	3. Shredding Letters by the Handful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam catch up on the good and bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this same night...yeah.

"This, is casa de Winchester!" Dean announces opening the door to his apartment. It was relatively clean, didn't smell of gym socks, and he'd actually put his clothes away instead of leaving them all folded on the kitchen table. Silently he thanked himself for buying that plug in air freshener, or this could have been slightly more awkward.

"If you're hungry, you're fucked, because he doesn't shop." Gabe said, falling onto the couch, not bothering to move the remotes or telephone that were now under him. You could hear the crunch of buttons so he readjusted himself until it stopped.

"What does he mean?" Sam inquired. "Nothing, Gabe's being an ass." Dean said, irritated with Gabe. Considering how drunk he was, Dean was impressed that he was still coherent and standing. Though the entire room was spinning and even the floor seemed comfortable at this point. But he wanted to spend every moment he could with his little brother. Make up for missing his teenage years, never being the older brother figure he was supposed to be. Like other kids had, someone to look up to. Sam was supposed to have that, and he couldn't help but feel guilty for taking that away from him.

"Hey it's late, I should be going." Sam says awkwardly. "No! Stay! You can have my bed, I'll bunk it with the small man." Dean interjects. Gabe calls out an insulted, "Hey!" which made Dean chuckle a little. He never imagined his awful day would turn into this. He more expected to leave the party drunk, come home and wallow in his own self pity as per usual. Apparently nature had it's own idea.

"Are you sure? I mean we don't have to jump right into the brother thing." Sam said warily. Dean shook his head, "I'm sure, it's down the hall on the left. Bathroom on the right, feel free to borrow anything you need." Dean smiled at his brother as he walked away down the hall. Dean couldn't remember feeling this kind of happiness in a long time. The kind thats warm, full of love and care.

"Big brother of the year!" Gabe shot, laughing. Dean casually flipped Gabe off, flopping down onto the sofa, partially landing on Gabe, who didn't even flinch.

"How the kid recognized me, I'll never know. There's a huge difference between seventeen year old me, and twenty-six year old me." Dean laughed, glancing at Gabe who was obviously trying to picture what Dean looked like at seventeen.

"Dude, wanna see a picture?" Dean asked, Gabe laughed, clapping while saying "Hells yeah!" It'd been taken only a few weeks before he was kicked out. It was of him, his brother, and mother. A picture he never shared with anyone. But now with Sammy here, he felt okay to share it. Even with the knowledge that his mom was gone. Dean wasn't sure what his beliefs on the afterlife were, but he knew that his mother was happy wherever she was. That's the only thing that kept Dean from wilting into a puddle of drunken tears.

"You look like you needed a kick in the knads." Gabe says simply, passing the picture back to Dean. "Excuse me?" He laughed, returning the picture to it's rightful spot in his wallet.

"Well it's true, I mean you look like you needed a reality check. All glum no hum. Feel me?" Gabe slurred, nuzzling his head into the couch pillow. Dean mulled over this for a moment.

"My dad used to beat the crap out of me." Dean said simply, with no emotion, as if they'd been talking about what kind of pizza to get. So nonchalant that it was worrying.

"I know." Gabe answered simply.

"Wait how?" Dean questioned. He'd never told him, at least that he recalls. Then again the amount of things Dean's told Gabe while drunk -and not remembered- is astounding.

"Dude, any time I brought up your dad since I've known you, you either got pissed or acted like I just kicked your puppy. And we've seen the scars, it just adds up."

"We?" Dean inquired.

"Jo and I. Can't keep a long sleeve on your whole life, Winchester." Gabe yawned as he finished his sentence. Within minutes he could hear Gabe snoring softly, as well as the shower in the backround, which left him alone with his thoughts. They echoed in his brain, making him over think and over analyze everything. It lead to him feeling depressed and broken up about his mom, feeling it was his fault that his mom was dead. If he wasn't some cocksucker, his mom wouldn't have killed herself.

While Sam was still in the shower, Dean went into his room and opened the awkwardly placed box to reveal letters. Dozens apon dozens. He went through them, taking every single letter adressed to Mary Winchester, before putting the rest away.

He sat himself down on the floor of his kitchen, hard tile,unforgiving. Taking hold of the first letter, he stared at it for a moment before ripping it in half, again and again until it was a pile of paper, each piece maybe an inche squared in size. He did that to every letter, shreadding them with his own hands. Never reading his own words, not wanting to revisit his past. Sure, it doesn't change that she's dead, but it helped a little. To know that he didn't still have dozens of letters waiting for his mom to never read.

Pieces of paper fell to the ground infront of him. He sat on the ground cross legged ripping each piece to the one inch square. Letter after letter, getting himself lost in his own world where he was having his own inner turmoil. He had his brother, but his mother was forever lost to him. He remembers the last words he'd said to his mother.

"I can't believe you stay with this scumbag." Not I love you, or what's for dinner, nothing normal. Instead he said something negative to her, that's something Dean doesn't think he'll ever forgive himself for. He'd do anything to take it all back, to have never come out to his family that night, to have never said that to his mother, and to have never left his brother to grow up on his own. He'd give up the vague sense of happiness he'd gained when leaving, just so that his mother would be alive.

The pile infront of him just kept growing, taller and taller. There were specs of color where Dean had attatched photos of himself, or friends, or his business. But mostly white lined paper and lead lines. Sam walks up behind him, watching what Dean was doing. He was dead silent, the only thing that gave him away was the sound of water dripping onto the hard floor.

"Dean, what're you doing?" He asked, grabbing one of the unripped letters. The frown on his face grew when he saw the name. "You wrote to her?" Dean nodded, grabbing the next letter, continuing on.  
  
"Why're you ripping them up?" Sam asked, giving Dean the letter back.

Dean shrugged, "She's gone, and it's my fault. If I'd had have sent one of these maybe-" Sam interupted Dean before he could go on.

"Dean, it wasn't your fault."

"Sure feels like it is." Dean admits, the sinking feeling in his gut growing deeper and deeper. His mother had been the star in his life, and like some stars, when they die they leave hole that nothing can fill. A deep, black hole. He could feel himself being pulled in, into the darkness. Darkness being a deep depression, since he was already on the edge of that one, it wouldn't be hard. Adding the fact that he basically killed his own mother, that could result in the need of years of therapy.

"Dean, she was a broken woman who had little to live for." Sam said flatly, though it was like a punch in the gut. "We're lucky she made it that long." Dean suddenly had the urge to cry, he hated thinking of his mother like this. Broken, frail. But it was true. By the time Dean was a preteen she'd already given up. She'd just been doing the motions until she couldn't do it anymore. Her life was the titanic. A sinking ship, but Dean leaving was like how the ship snapped in half. It made it come to an end much faster.

Sam watched Dean rip the rest of the letters up, piece after piece, in utter silence. But it wasn't that kind of silence where it's awkward with no words to fill the space. No, nothing like that. This silence was their way of honoring Mary. They didn't need words, candles, or bibles to honor her. They just needed to be together, and think of all the wonderful times they had with their mother.

When Dean finished, he stared at the paper with no intent on picking it up. "Do you remember how Mom used to sing when cooking. The Beatles." Dean said, not bothering to meet his brothers gaze.

Sam snorted, "Of course! I also remember how you used to dance with her whenever she sang Twist and Shout. Your favorite if I remember correctly." Dean nodded, smiling fondly. Vivid memories or twisting his mother around while she sang, Sammy clapping and singing along. Once Sam had videotaped the two of them, unknown to them. If they'd have known, it wouldn't have been so natural.

"Remember when you took me out for the fourth of July, and after her big speech on fire safety, you still managed to catch a tree on fire?" Sam laughed, nearly roaring from laughing so hard. Dean blushed, it wasn't his brightest moment, but thankfully the firemen showed up in time and put it out before any real damage occurred.

"Well do you remember when we were at your soccer game and mom started screaming 'You go baby! Kick his ass!' at the top of her lungs?" Dean countered, laughing at the memory. He'd had to drag his mom down, saying she was attracting attention. Overall, she embarassed both of them, but it was a fond memory.

"When your first girlfriend came home, and she broke out the baby dick pictures!" Sam exclaimed, bursting out laughing. Dean's face turned a bright red, the kind you'd associate with a rose. Which only made Sam laugh more, almost manically, making Dean roll his eyes.

"Okay, done with this game!" Dean laughed, pushing Sam playfully. "Let's play catchup, you first squirt." Dean said, nodding at Sam.

"Pretty sure I'm not squirt anymore, Dean." Sam said nearly serious. "Anyway, why a coffee shop?"

"Dude, I don't even know. I like coffee? I just knew I wanted a business." Dean answered truthfully. "Why'd you choose to come to Chicago?" he asked Sam, while cracking his knuckles.

"Honest answer, threw a dart at a map." Sam laughed, Dean laughed too but couldn't help but be surprised his brother, who as a kid was anal about everything, made such a big decision by throwing a dart. Almost unbelievable, but Dean couldn't know for sure. He missed nine years of the kids life, he could of had some revelation and decided to be fun.

"Why are you living in a shit apartment, I'm sure you could afford better than this." That was true, he could afford a nicer place if he wanted.

"I've become partial to the place, made it my own." Dean smiled. He couldn't imagine himself anywhere else actually. He'd almost moved once, but couldn't bring himself to leave the place. It may have cracks in the walls, peeling paint, and plumbing older than him, but it was still his first place.

"In one sentence, describe your high school experience." Dean said, wondering who his brother was in the high school crowd.

"Awkward and embarrassing." He chuckled, not surprised. He hadn't imagined his brother to be quater back dating the prom queen. It just didn't seem to fit the personality Dean remembered his brother having as a preteen. Though, Sam changed a lot over the years, especially physically. He went from a skinny pale kid to a giant buff moose. Now thats a transformation if he's ever seen one.

"Date anyone lately?" Sam asked, Dean shook his head, not wanting to touch the subject with a ten foot pole. "Hows Dad?" Dean asked, face contored slightly. Almost hoping he wasn't well.

"He's Dad." Sam sighed. Dean nodded in understandment. In one swift motion he sweeped the ripped letters off the floor and dumped them into the garbage. Weirdly, it was almost a relief to have a good portion of the letters gone, not weighing down on his soul like an overbearing teacher breathing down your neck.  
"Are you and Gabe close?" Dean nodded, no matter how many times he's decided 'today will be the day I hate the guy' it's never the day. Not even when he spiked Dean's drinks at work and got himself smashed while trying to serve patrons coffee.

"Find a special lady friend?" Dean asked, wriggling his eyebrows. He'd wink but that might be a liiiittle bit too far. Sam's face turned a bright red, followed by awkward "uhms."

"Oh come on, what's her name at least!" Dean pried, wanting to know whos captured the heart of his little brother.

"Jess, her names Jess. Dean go to bed, you're smashed." Sam commanded, getting up and walking towards the hall that lead to the few rooms of the apartment. Bathroom, bedroom, office. All equally small and in disarray.

"Dean, last question." Sam said, turning back, "Did you write me any letters?"

"More than you can imagine."


	4. The Job is Yours!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean running the shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Kurizumaru, I got my inspiration, and finished the chapter!  
> Written to massive amounts to Taylor Swift

Dean woke up on instinct a few minutes before his alarm was set. His head felt like it'd gone through the washer a few times, all he wanted to do was sleep. But he had to get up to open the shop, so unfortunately that means waking up at four am with a raging hangover. Besides it's not like it was the first time he'd straggled into the shop, feeling like a vampire.

He walked into his bedroom to switch off the alarm so that it didn't wake Sam or Gabe up. Though he couldn't help but stare at Sam for a few minutes, almost as if he were trying to memorize the lines in his face. He looked older than twenty-two. Wiser, and stronger. Dean knows for a fact, when he was twenty-two, he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Probably because he'd go days on end without sleep. The wonders of University. 

Dean wandered into the bathroom for a short shower, he didn't wake up early enough for a long one, so a quick one would suffice. The hot water relaxed his sore muscles, as he leaned onto the tiled walls. He started humming part of a song he'd heard last night to avoid thinking. To avoid over-thinking. Letting the water hit his face, he just stood under the spray until it turned cold, which never took long. The water heater must the size of a walnut. 

Walking out to the main room, in his towel, Dean smacked Gabe a few times saying wake up. Gabe grumbled an audible 'fuck you Winchester' before turning over facing away from Dean. He rolled his eyes before going into the kitchen to pull out what little food he had, to make a half way decent breakfast. Eggs and toast, not his favorite but it would do. He just needed something before he found his head in the toilet.

Gabe stumbled into the kitchen, opening the fridge. "God, man, you don't even have juice. What the hell do you drink?" His voice was scratchy and tired, he covered his eyes from the light of the fridge. Too bright, too early.

"Oh I don't know, Gabe, water maybe?" Dean countered, standing over the stove with bad posture, his arm resting on the fixture above the stovetop. Gabe's face contored into his signature, 'ew no.' face. Dean rolled his eyes, paying attention to the food to avoid another '11 incident. (His apartment smelled like smoke from then on, unless heavily coated in febreeze and whatever cologne he was wearing.)

After a few more minutes, the sizzle of food brought Sam out of the bedroom, in the same state of hungover and exhausted. Sam's hair stuck up in odd places, making Dean smirk. So the guys hair wasn't perfect afterall. "I've gotta go in and open the store, feel free to bum it out here, I know Gabe will. Meet me there later this afternoon?" Dean said, pushing the food onto three seperate plates. Dean's portion was considerably smaller than everyone elses but no one mentioned it.

"Yeah sure, I'll swinng by when I can open my eyes without wanting to die." Sam groaned, making Gabe laugh. "Kid, it doesn't go away. Ever have a hangover before?" Sam shook his head, no. Which suprised both of them, especially with Sam being legal.

"Seriously?" Dean asked, shocked. And somewhat impressed that the kid could handle his liqour so well. Sam nodded, "First time. Definitely last time." Gabe scoffed at that answer. "Do you know how many times your brothers said that. Then I find him drinking from the bottle of Jack singing to Taylor Swift." Dean's face felt hot and turned a bright shade of red, "Hey it's fun music, leave me be!" He said defensively. Whenever he was having a good day he'd play Taylor Swift in the shop, his dead giveaway to a good day. 

"What other kind of things does he do?" Sam asked laughing, obviously wanting to know all the dirty secrets Gabe was happy to tell. 

"Well you haven't lived till you've had one of his drunk heart to hearts." Gabe said, looking at Dean acussingly. Okay so maybe Dean had the tendency to get loving and slightly posessive when drunk sometimes. Better than peeing in fountains, right? 

"I seem to remember you crying over The Sound of Music, while sober, Gabe." Dean smirked, staring Gabe dead in the face. His eyes narrowed, almost like they were accepting the terms of the unsaid contest.

"You cried over The Notebook!" Gabe exclaimed.

"You cried over High School Musical!" Dean laughed, shutting Gabe up efficiently. He rememebered that night vividly, Gabe had taken acid for the first time and started watching HSM. Sure, he didn't exactly grasp the plot...Or anything about the movie what so ever, but he did cry. So technically it counts.

"I gotta go, now, see you later today. Okay Sammy?" Dean said, his voice was so hopeful. Praying that his brother wouldn't disappear while he was off at work. If he lost Sam again, he's not sure he could handle it. Too much stress and Dean would finally snap. He'd been close to the edge before, very close. The best way he could describe it would be having no desire to even get himself standing some days. Like the life he was living wasn't worth anything, anymore.

The drive to the shop was quiet as always, the whole morning was awkwardly usual. As if everything should be completely different but instead he's the same. It felt offsetting, and he couldn't shake the feeling. After opening the shop, Dean went through the motions until Jo walked through the door.

"Dean Winchester! You're walking! Party a bummer?" She announced, ducking under the counter, grabbing her apron so she could start cleaning tables.

"No, I've got the hang over to prove it. You'll never guess who I saw there." Dean laughed, prompting Jo. He knew she'd be excited.

"Who? Future husband? Walt Disney?" Jo joked, nudging Dean a little. There was slight need in the act, crying out for physical contact. Lonely. Jo was a pretty girl, always had boys chasing after her. But something always stopped her from taking the leap, and the reason was unbeknown to Dean. Maybe that's because he was the reason. They'd always been friends, and to Dean there was nothing more. Except Jo always had a longing feeling in her chest, one that nothing quite filled. So she stuck around, always hoping one day Dean will say the magic words.

"Sam." He grinned at Jo, who smiled but was slightly worried deep down. She knew that this could end horribly. She knew how badly it had hurt him, when he left. She'd been there to pick up the pieces of the broken man he'd been.

"Why the long face? This is great!" Dean exclaimed, smiling brightly. Jo smiled wider, even though she didn't feel it. "Yeah, I know! How is he?" 

"He's good, going to St Augustine, can you believe that?" Dean kept smiling, making his way to the iPod dock to change the song. Soon the shop was filled with Florence and the Machine. Jo had convinced him that not everyone likes classic rock, so his iPod soon filled with current music, which actually wasn't bad. Not that he'd admit that.

"Oh yeah, bet he's a legend." She laughed, Dean was well known when he went there, pranks and parties filled his time there. He had to have something to take his mind off the bad. So he became a school legend, girls wanted him, and guys wanted to be him. Well some guys wanted him as well. 

"I doubt it, it's been four years." Dean laughed, feeling a slight hum through his body from the music, and the noise of the customers. 

"Dude, you wrote your name in cement. How Sam never saw it shocks me." Jo laughed. 

"Well, it was on the pavement to the art center. Doubt the kid has gone down there." Dean rolled his eyes, pushing the small swing door, walking behind the counter while Jo was making the next order. 

"How're you today, Mr. Echo?" Dean smiled at the patron, he came every morning around eleven. Mr. Echo always ordered the same thing, a chocolate chip muffin and a vanilla latte. Dean pushed a muffin with two napkins across the counter to Mr. Echo while ringing him up. Mr. Echo worked as a part time teacher, only doing afternoon classes as a home ec teacher. A class he wished he'd taken as a teenager. Though he probably would have failed, epically.

"I'm great Dean, and you? I don't think I've ever seen you smiling like this!" Mr. Echo said happily. Being a regular customer for so long, he'd gotten to know Dean, and smiling like this wasn't normal.

"I'm great, too, Mr. Echo." He said, as Jo handed Mr. Echo the coffee.

"Good, stay that way!" He exclaimed, taking the coffee and leaving the shop. Dean turned back to Jo with a giant grin, "See, thats sincerity." Jo rolled her eyes, starting the next order while Dean started to chat up the next customer. This went on until late afternoon, when things slowed down. Around 3 was when they could finally take a breath and get some of the cleaning done, which was usually Dean's job, while Jo stayed behind the counter.

Dean was bent over a table cleaning up the sticky mess a child had left behind, when the bell on the door frame rang. He looked over his shoulder to see Sam and Gabriel. Sam looked around the shop while Gabe kept his head ducked with sun glasses on, probably hating the world at this very moment.

"Hey guys." Dean called out over his shoulder, turning around, leaving the mess behind. He could see the cringe on Gabe's face, wincing in pain. Dean was tempted to crank the music just in spite, but he resisted. Sam smiled at him while Gabe's face read 'fuck off.'

"So this is the mysterious Sam Winchester!" Jo said, grabbing his attention. She dropped the rag onto the counter, and leaned over it. Sam's attention turned to her, he smiled and waved a little. "Yeah, and you are?"

"I'm Jo, Dean's better half." She smirked, making Dean laugh. Sam looked surprised.

"You make it sound like we're married." Dean said, chuckling. "I'm still your better half, I mean look at me." She joked, pointing at herself with her thumbs. Dean laughed, shaking his head. "We met in college, she's the co-owner, and my better half." Dean winked at her, making her laugh. Sam's face was full of confusion.

"She's a friend, Sammy, relax." He smiled, dropping his hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam's body relaxed, with a small 'oh' and a deep breath. He felt slightly awkward but didn't want to leave.

"You should offer him that part time gig." Gabe said, sliding into one of the bar stools near the window-bar. 

"Oh yeah, Gabe mentioned you're looking for someone part time, and I really need the money." Sam smiled, touching the back of his neck while shrugging. Dean lit up instantly.

"The jobs yours !" Dean says, all too happy to offer Sam a job. If he has a job here, he'll see his family more. That alone was reason enough to give him a job. He doesn't care if he's the worst employee on the planet and spits in the coffee, he'll always have a place here.

Things were looking good, for Dean Winchester.


	5. History Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> History decides to come up Dean's street.

"So when does he get here?" Dean asked while wiping down the counter. Things in the coffeeshop had slowed down enough that Jo could handle taking orders herself while Gabe stole Dean for a few minutes.

"This afternoon. Warning you man, he's a trainwreck. Got depressed and shit over a guy, started using somewhere along the line. It's been a long time, he's...Different." Gabe trailed off. Gabriels younger brother was coming to live with him while he goes through counseling and detox.

"Man, I never asked, what's his name?" Dean said while picking up forgotten trash and wrappers around the shop.

"Its--" Gabriel was interupted by a scream. Looking back, it came from Jo. She'd gotten boiling water over her hand. Dean rushed over to her, forgetting the mess.

"Jo!" He gasped, taking her hand, examining it. Definitely should take her to the ER. After the scream, Jo hadn't said a word, nor cry. Which was mildly impressive, actually. Dean thought to himself, "I'd be screaming my head off."

"Taking you to the hospital." Dean said simlpy, but Jo stopped, "No, you've got to keep the place open." She said firmly not moving from her spot.

"She's right. I'll take her." Gabe piped up, raising his hand up a little, showing he was volunteering.

"See, perfect." She smiled, all though gritting her teeth. The pain must be excrutiating. He remembers when he'd accidently lit a firework too near to himself and burn a portion of his chest. He'd blacked out from pain somewhere after ten minutes. Now that was embarassing. His mother drew a crowd so he was rushed to the hospital soon, bandaged up, and sent home the next day. The scar made him look like he'd been in some horrible accident.

Jo walked out past the counter, and Gabe ushered her out of the shop, while she nursed her hand. This left Dean without help until Sam arrives after three. Time went by slowly, like syrup through a straw. Patrons came and went, the same chatter and company, just had to work twice as fast. When Sam got there, it was a life saver.

"You have no idea what kind of day I've had." Dean laughs, finally able to take a seat and relax. Sam took over counter duty so Dean went into the back to eat lunch. The smell of coffee beans welcomed him as he opened up the backroom. It was damn near overwhelming, if he hadn't smelled it every day for years, it would have been. It surprised Dean how many bags of coffee they went through every day, one bag could have probably gotten himself through a whole semester during college. That's saying something, considering how much coffee he downed during school. He and the might white cup were good friends.

They worked in silence for some time, considering this was part of the slowest times of the day. So they mostly cleaned, and Dean took care of carrying coffee bean bags out of the back to the storage area behind the counter, making Dean smell like he'd taken a shower in coffee. Oddly some people were attracted to it when he went out, but some people thought it was strange.

The bell on the entrance door rang as he was carrying out a bag over his shoulder. Sam was in the back so he made his way to the counter, putting the bag down in the process. The man looked homeless and like he hadn't eaten in days.

When the man got up to the counter, he seemed like he was about to fall asleep standing. Drugs, maybe. Dean didn't care, though. He always fed the homeless or people who are in need. He'd say it was because his karma needed some help, but he actually just loved the people he met in the process.

"Hello." His voice was deep, and smooth like velvet. The man looked up, and Dean could see into his deep blue eyes, as if they were the ocean. Full of mystery and adventure. Dean could get lost in them forever...

"Sorry! Hello, what can I get for you today?" Dean asked nervously. His breathing slightly faster than usual, heart beat fast and full of anxiety. Now this man, was another level of attractive, and his body was showing it.

"Uhm. I don't have any money. You just reminded me of someone I used to know." He said barely smiling, obviously upset about the situation. Dean felt bad that he caused the man sadness.

"No charge, anything you'd like." He smiled, gesturing to the case of sweets and pastries.

"Won't you get fired?" The man inquired, seeming shocked that Dean ever suggested it.

"I own the place, now choose something to eat and drink!" Dean laughed. The man chose a chocolate chunk muffin with a tropical starfruit drink. Dean left the counter to sit with the man in the corner of the shop. They sat and discussed things together as if they'd been friends for years, topics ranging from politics to televison. Aparently the man didn't own one, which Dean found bizzare. But then again he was new to the city, and moving always mucks things up.

"My names Castiel." He smiled, reaching his hand out with a large grin on his face, to Dean it seemed like he hadn't smiled like that in a long time. The name threw him off, like a punch in the gut. _Castiel_.

"Castiel. Angel of Thursday, right?" Dean questioned, even though he knew he was right. It wasn't a name you could just forget, especially that name. You can't exactly forget the love of your lives name. At least, Dean couldn't.

Castiel smiled, "Yes! How did you know? It isn't exactly common." His grin spread across his face like a disease. A cute disease, but a disease. Something in that smile was biting at him like a Great white shark on fishbait Friday.

"Someone I loved had that name."Dean said sadly, looking away from Castiel. Which caused him to miss Castiel's face of realization, and anger.

"Dean?" He spit out, getting out of his seat. The chair flipped back, making a scene in the quiet shop. Sam was in the front now, looking in on the situation, not exactly sure what to make of it.

"Cas? Is that really you?" Dean was hopeful, he could almost feel the tears breaking the levey. The pain of leaving him felt more raw than it did the day it actually happened.

"Don't call me that, you ass!" He yelled, backing away as Gabe and Jo entered the shop.

"Cas, I'm sorry." Dean whispered, pained. He couldn't meat Castiel's glare, but he could feel the hate radiating from it. But thats when he felt it, a solid punch to the jaw, knocking him to his knees. That's when Gabe and Sam moved him.

"Castiel, what the hell!" Gabe yelled, restraining Castiel, who had started to go in for a second hit. Sam dropped to the ground, looking at the damage. He'd dislocated his jaw. Sam took two seconds before sliding it back into place like he had multiple times as a child. Dean yelped out, rolling onto his back. He stared at the ceiling lights barely listening into the conversation going on.

"Dude what the hell!"

"I had to."

"No! You didn't, Castiel!" Gabe retorted, yelling at the much bigger man.

"He's a coward, that's all he'll ever be." He said angerly, leaving the store. Gabe made a gesture at Sam, saying I'm sorry before running after his brother. The words rattled in Dean's brain. Coward. Coward. Coward.

Cas was right, he really was a coward. He'd built his life up from that fact. He couldn't face his problems, so he ran. Like a coward. That hit Dean harder than any punch Castiel could throw. Much more painful than he'd endured in his whole life, and that was saying something. He'd grown up in the care of a demented, broken man. But seven words hurt much worse than anything John had done to his eldest son.

Sam pulled Dean into a sitting position, to face Jo and himself.

"Dude, what the hell was that?" Jo asked, taking Deans face in her hands to survey for damage.

Dean laughed bitterly, "Jo, that was history catching up on me. And god damn, does it hurt."


	6. 17 Years Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the day Dean was kicked out
> 
> The wonderful smut scene was thanks to Kurizumaru!! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks for Kris' beta and smut scene! <3 Couldn't have done this chapter without you! <3
> 
> ALSO. I've decided to come up with a BI-WEEKLY UPDATING SCHEDULE.
> 
> SO FROM NOW ON, I WILL BE UPDATING EVERY OTHER SUNDAY (Unless I'm done early.)  
> This is because of many reasons, including time to beta, actually having a life (work ew), and pure laziness. So if I ever don't update in time FEEL FREE TO TELL ME  
> profoundlyinlove.tumblr.com/ask  
> THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING, LEAVING COMMENTS, AND ENJOYING THIS HOTMESS OF A STORY.  
> LASTLY, Someone asked if they could make Fan-art for this story, and this answer is for everyone. I'D BE HONORED!  
> My art skills aren't exactly stellar, so I'd be extremely honored if any of you made art for my story. Thanks for listening!
> 
> In other news, I'm planning a second story! It's a College AU (Pretty original idea, considering people have done the hell out of these!) I haven't started writing it, but it's completely planned out and ready to get started. I'll be posting the synopsis at a later time! 
> 
> NOW, to the story!

"Dean, it'll be easy. You saw my parents, they were happy! Happy, of all things!" Cas exclaimed, on an adrenaline high from the approval of his parents. Castiel's mother had even pulled Dean in for a hug and said, "Take care of my baby, Deanie." A nickname he genuinely hated but he said nothing against. It reminded him of when he was a kid again; a time Dean didn't want to revisit. Ever. He just wanted to turn eighteen and leave John behind.

Maybe by then he could convince Mary to leave John and to take Sam far, far away. Dean's number one fear was if John got to Sam. No kid needs to grow up in that sort of mess. Sometimes Dean wished he could just take Sammy and run from here. Start all over, Escape. But the love he had for Castiel was... Unbelievable.

It was so strong, and he was willing. Just so they wouldn't have to sneak around, and lie. He knew the constant lies hurt Cas. Whenever Dean would say, 'We're just friends.' he would see the pain in Cas' eyes. No, they weren't just friends. They were head over heels in love.

 

_Dean had parked the Impala somewhere remote and had wasted no time. He leaned over and kissed Cas deeply. The sensations of his rough lips against his had gone straight to his cock which jerked to half-hardness in his jeans. Cas’s hand gripped the back of Dean’s neck to deepen the kiss and lick into his mouth. Dean gasped and groaned softly._

_Cas had been the one to break the kiss and growl, voice husky with arousal, “Backseat. Now."_

_Dean nodded and climbed over the backseat to sit, and waited patiently for Cas to join him. When Cas did join him, he was shirtless and his pants had been opened. Dean maneuvered his legs to frame Cas’s and reached up and gently ran his fingers from Cas’s neck down over his collarbone, across his chest and down his stomach to his navel. “Gorgeous," He muttered softly._

_Cas stared down at him with his piercing gaze. “Dean, I want," He groaned, “I want more, Dean. I want to be the first to tear down your walls and shatter your composure. I want to you to come apart under me, because of me, Dean."_

_Dean keened (if it were ever brought up, he’d deny it) and nodded. “Yes, Cas. God, yes. Please," he practically begged._

_Pleased, Cas nodded and pulled the bottle of lube and a condom from his pocket and lodged them in the ashtray on the door. He then, pulled Dean's legs down and made Dean lie flat on his back on the seat. Dean just looked up at Castiel with wide, nervous eyes. Cas returned his gaze with dark, lust-blow eyes, nearly all iris from the arousal and anticipation._

_Cas rucked Dean's shirt up to reveal his chest and stomach. He proceeded to trace one hand down Dean's chest and stomach to his navel and then leaned in and licked a stripe from mid-stomach up to his right nipple while he gently rubbed and tweaked the left with his fingers. Beneath him, Dean arched up into his touch and gasped as the new sensations flooded his senses._

_Cas grinned against his skin and trailed his hand down to the top of Dean's jeans where he swiftly unbuttoned and unzipped them. He'd deftly slid his hand inside and rubbed Dean's already rock hard erection through his underwear._

_Dean bucked and moaned softly, "Oh, Cas. Please. More."_

_"Shh, Love. I got you. More is coming," he comforted, cooed into Dean's ear before he sat back and yanked his jeans and underwear down to his knees and then helped him work his boots off so they could slide his pants off. Castiel licked his lips, unable to resist Dean lying beneath him, naked from the waist down. He crawled back betwen Dean's knees and leaned down to flick his tongue over the tip of Dean's hardness where he'd leaked pre-come._

_"Ah!" Dean cried out. The tongue was unexpected; hot and wet on his sensitive member. "Cas!" He cried out as he begged for more._

_Castiel chuckled softly before he leaned down, parted his lips and open mouth kissed the head of Dean's cock. While he kissed, he barely laved his tongue over the slit there and caught a bead of pre-come. “Mmm,” he moaned softly around Dean's cock._

_The vibrations from Cas's moan made Dean whimper. “Cas, I'm so close. Please. More!”_

_Castiel just shook his head and smiled before he shook his head. “No, Dean. You won't come until I'm inside you.”_

_Dean bit his lip and nodded. He understood that it had been an order, not an explanation or a request._

_Castiel smiled. “Good boy, Dean.” He helped Dean out of his shirt the rest of the way so he was gloriously naked beneath him. A soft groan escaped his lips. He reached over and grabbed the bottle of lube and slicked up his fingers. “Dean? Do you want this?” He held up his slick hand for Dean to see._

“ _Yes! God, yes, Cas! Please! Open me up for your cock,” he answered, voice gravelly with arousal and need._

_Wet, slick fingers slowly circled his hole a few times before one gently pushed at the center of his sweet, pink pucker and slipped inside. Dean bucked up at the feeling and panted open mouthed. Any part of Cas inside him was a miracle, as far as he was concerned. This was a whole new beginning for them._

_While he opened him up and slowly, torturously added a second finger and twisted them inside of Dean, Cas kissed and nipped at the inside of Dean's thighs. He provided enough pleasure/pain to keep Dean right on the edge and distracted him from the burn as Cas's fingers worked him open._

_Dean was reduced to a mewling, whining, begging mess by the time Cas worked a third finger into him and spread his fingers apart to stretch Dean even further. Dean cried out from the stretch and burn. “Cas, please,” he sobbed out. “I'm ready. Please.”_

“ _Shh,” Cas cooed, “It's coming, Dean. You'll be full of me soon enough.” He wiped his hand off on his jeans and then opened them and pulled them and his briefs down his thighs to free his own hard, leaking, ready cock. Cas reached over and grabbed the condom packet and tore it opwn with his teeth. He pinched the tip and rolled it onto his length quickly. After he drizzled lube down the length of his cock, he smeared it over his full length and slid forward to nudge at Dean's entrance. “Relax, Dean,” he coached. “I got you,” He comforted as he slowly nudged just the head of his cock inside Dean then paused to let him get used to it._

_Dean bucked his hips wildly, his back arched almost completely off the seat. “Ah! Oh! Cas!” he nearly screamed._

_With a grin and a moan, Cas jerked his hips forward some more and buried himself fully in Dean's tight, velvet heat. Fully sheathed, Cas stilled, sweat forming on his brow from the effort to not move. He didn't want to hurt Dean. Tears had formed in the corner of Dean's eyes as Cas had thrust in the whole way. So, with great effort, Cas waited for him to calm down and leaned over him to press a comforting kiss to his lips. “So gorgeous like this, Dean. I love you.”_

_With a gasp and a smile, Dean returned the kiss and nodded. “I love you too, Cas. I love you, Angel. Please, move.”_

_Cas sighed in relief and finally drew back and pushed in again. He started off slowly, to build the pleasure for both of them. But after a ew seconds, neither of the could stand it anymore and Dean begged for more. Cas was more than happy, more than able to comply. He heaved Dean's legs up and placed his feet on his shoulders while he drove into him time and again. He fucked in hard, at a brutal pace, and effectively fucked Dean into the back seat of his car. He slammed into Dean's prostate time and again. “Dean, Dean, Dean.” He muttered as he lost his rhythm and stuttered to a stop as he came deep inside of Dean with a mighty groan. Not to leave Dean in limbo, he reached down and wrapped his hands around Dean's cock and stroked as he whispered hoarsly, “Come for me, Dean. Come.”_

_Dean's back arched up off the seat as his orgasm overtook him and set every nerve in his body alight with a fire made of pure pleasure. He painted his stomach and chest with his own come and jerked mightily in Castiel's grasp as he thre his head back and opened his mouth in a silent scream. They both panted heavily as they came down from their shared pleasure. The windows were fogged up from the heat they'd created and the sounds of their panting filled the cabin._

_Cas looked down at Dean and met blazing emerald eyes with his own icy blues. “I love you, Dean Winchester,” He rasped._

_Dean winced slightly as Cas pulled his cock free of him. “And I love you, Castiel Novak.”_

_They collapsed and cuddled in the back seat of the Impala for a while, just content in each other's embrace._

The steps on the porch were still wobbly, he made a mental note to fix them. His mental list was miles long. Not that he was lazy, but there were just too many things in need of his attention. Generally, his days were booked. Spontaneous wasn't exactly possible for him at this time. Every once in a while he'd find himself free, and he'd spend all that time with Castiel. Any spare moment, whether it was texting, calling, or together, was all spent with him.

The paint on their door was peeling, and to stall, Dean had started to pull strips of paint off. He planned to repaint it this weekend. So, no harm no foul. The wood was old and worn from years of storms and childhood accidents. Dean recalled Sammy playing soccer against the door, and when Dean had walked straight into the door when he'd thought it was open.

Entering the house made his anxiety triple. He knew this was it. The smell of fresh baked pie wafted from the kitchen. Which meant his mother was near by. His father was most likely out back working on his truck. He decided to take a break to calm his nerves, so he headed for his bedroom; up the stairs, third door on the right. Clean clothes were stacked on his bed to be put away. Sun shone through his window, and streaked across his room. He could practically tan in his own bedroom, which was something he liked. Darkness made him think of all the things that go bump in the night. He hadn't gotten over his fear, like most children had.

He started to put the clothes away while he read the note his mother had left him.

"Put them away nicely this time. Love you, baby. Mom."

Dean couldn't help but smile. His mother was a soft spot of his. Something no one but Cas knew, was that he kept every note she left him in a box, under his bed. Whenever he was having a rough time, he'd read the notes and know: at least his mother loved him. Easily, it was the most meaningful thing he had in this house.

The room was covered in posters, of cars and bands (which aren't of his time). You couldn't see the pale blue paint underneath. John had painted it himself, while Mary was still in the hospital after giving birth. Although the fumes hadn't aired out, so Dean had to sleep in his parents room for a few days. Not that Mary minded. She liked having her baby close to her.

"What if this goes wrong?" Dean asked out loud, as he heard Sam run down the hall, late for soccer practice. "Love you, Mom, Dad, Jerk!" He shouted. A few seconds later he heard the front door slam along with his mother's laughter. Sam had a tendency to be late to soccer. He was always talking to Jess. He joined the team to impress her. It worked, since he happened to actually be alright at it.

Someone was headed up the stairs, Dean heard the creaking floor boards. The closer they got, the more anxiety he felt. He wanted to back out. Maybe he wasn't ready for this. His father was homophobic and he wasn't sure how his mother felt. What if they treated him differently, or rejected him. The possibilities ran through Dean's head faster than the steps outside his door.

"Fuck." The knock was solid and echoed through his room. He opened the door to meet Mary. Slight relief flooded through his system. At least it wasn't John.

"Hi hon, come down stairs, we need to talk." She smiled and turned back, headed back down the stairs without another word. What did she want?

He slowly descended the stairs, listening in on his parents conversation as he went.

"I feel bad asking this of him, he's been working so hard." His mother lamented. Then, John grumbled unhappily, as if he didn't want to be part of this ordeal at all. This calmed Dean a bit. It had nothing to do with Castiel or what he was about to tell his parents.

Sitting in front of his parents had always made Dean nervous. Not for the same reason as most teenagers, but because he'd been afraid that his father would just snap; flip the table like had only a few weeks past. It had nearly broken Dean's arm in the process. Thankfully, he was out of the sling shortly and back to usual activities. The school asked a few questions considering it was the dozenth serious injury Dean had come to school with that year alone.

"Hon, we need you to cut back on your hours to help out with Sam since I'm going back to work." Mary said softly, regret written all over her face. She had to go back to work because John wasn't bringing enough money home. Instead, he had been spending it selfishly. Dean didn't bring in near enough to suffice, especially with some of it going in a college fund.

"Done." Dean said, no questions. It's not like he hated looking after Sam. They got along well, even when Dean had to lay down the law.

Dean could see the relief on Mary's face, until he said, "I need to tell you both something." John adjusted in his chair, with a harsh stare that could have melted anyone into a puddle.

"I-Um,” He stuttered unsure of how to start. “I don't know how to say this without being blunt. So, I'm bisexual."

Silence.

"Son, this isn't funny." John rumbled sternly.

"I'm not joking."

That's where John lost it. "That's disgusting!" He yelled. He stood up from his seat, sending his chair backwards.

Mary flinched with a sad look in her eyes. "John, please, it's not-"

"Mary, Shut up!" He interrupted while he raised his hand in a physical threat to hit her.

"Leave her alone!" Dean yelled and lunged forward to push him away from his mother.

"Shut up, you faggot!" John shouted.

Dean was slightly taken aback. Even for John that was low.

"I want you out of this house, now." John growled as he grabbed the family photo from the counter and threw it into the wall.

The glass went everywhere, and Dean could hear his mother cry out, "John, stop! He's our son!"

"No! He's no son on mine!" John yelled at Dean. "Get out!" That jolted Dean into action. He ran up the stairs while his mother plead with John. Dean knew his father wouldn't budge. He had to collect anything he'd need and run. He grabbed a duffel bag, threw in clothes and the money he'd saved. The only unnecessary things he grabbed were his mothers notes, and a few photos: Sammy, his mom, Cas, friends.

He threw his bag down the stairs so he could grab his heavier jacket from the closet. He saw into Sam's room for only a moment before running back down the stairs.

"Get out and never come back!" John yelled at his eldest son, whom was terrified. He never expected to be kicked out for being bisexual. Dean grabbed his bag of clothes and essentials. He didn't know what to expect. It's not like in school they teach you about being homeless and what to bring when you leave home without any plan.

"John please, you love him." Mary pleaded. She didn't want to lose her son. Sammy was at soccer practice. He'd come home to a house without his brother. They were close, and it would be like dropping a bomb on his life. Finally, all the bomb drills John had them run would come of use.

"No! He's a cocksucker and he's not welcome in my house."

Then, Dean was gone. He found himself at the nearest train station, on platform four as he waited and drowned in his sorrows. A girl, maybe a few years older than himself, sat down next to him and glanced over ever few seconds.

"You can't be off to college, where you going, Sweety?" She smiled and leaned closer to him.

"Chicago."


	7. 19 Years Old

 

 

19 Years Old

 

"Cas, you have to come out." Anna pleaded, then knocked firmly on the door. Castiel sat on the other side, back on the door. He lit another splif, inhaling the smoke. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Easy enough. Made life a little easier to handle. Things had gone downhill for Castiel, fast. Denied his scholarship, to do odd jobs and live at home with his parents and little sister.

"Cas, please?" Inhale. Exhale. Castiel looked around his room, he hadn't changed it in years, it wasn't worth the effort. The peeling Led Zeppelin poster, stacks of CD's he hadn't listened to for years, the photos that only brought him pain. It wasn't for him anymore, only a show to make his parents feel less like failures. Though to Cas, it was only a place to stash his drugs and money. All in separate places so when Anna did her searches, if she found one she didn't find it all.

The door knob jiggled, followed by a sigh. Inhale. "Cas, I'm begging you." Exhale. He walked across the room, and pushed open his window to get a little fresh air, since the smoke grew thick in the ventless room.  
  
"We all beg for shit and don't get it." He spat out, opening his desk drawer. He took out a small box labeled "reasons to live." Under all the index cards, there was his favorite stash. Vicodin. Taking the entire stash in his hand, he dry swallowed and flopped back onto his bed while tossing the box aside, since it had no true meaning to him. Only a cover up, one that Anna bought every time. Ignoring Anna's struggle with the door, he put his head phones in and ignored the world with AC/DC on full blast.

________________________________  
  
His body felt lighter than a cloud. Euphoria overcame him. A warm fuzzy feeling, like a hot blanket fresh from the dryer. His eyes were pinning, everything had a slight blur. A huge, stupid grin was plastered on his face. Castiel opened his bedroom door to meet Anna, whom was fearful and worried. She'd been smelling smoke coming from his room for ages, and refused to leave until she knew he was at least slightly alright.

"Cas." She said sadly, taking his face in her hands gingerly. He was in an obvious stupor, higher than cloud nine. It disappointed her, but she still took care of her older brother whenever he'd gone too far. Even when her parents had stopped.  
  
"Anna! Aren't you gorgeous, what are you doing here?" Castiel asked, grinning widely, he's never happy like that anymore, at least...Not while sober. He could barely stand without tilting from side to side. His coordination was history. As were his wits.

"I live here. Come on, let's go to the bathroom." She said, as she ushered him out of his room and down the hall to their shared bathroom. At this point, Anna had this routine down. Lay him down in the tub, shower him with cold water, towel, bed. He had a tendency to go too far, too many times. He'd been to the hospital for overdoses numerous times. Their parents used to be so proud of their son, now he's the embarrassment of the family.

"You live here too? That's grand! We can have slumber parties and talk about _boys_!" Castiel said sarcastically. He was extremely bitter, but sad as well. Longing for normalcy. It's not like he got out of bed one day and said, "I want to become a narcotic addict."

Anna rolled her eyes as she helped her fully clothed brother into the shower. Turning the water on full blast, he barely reacted, except for a slight change in posture. She turned the knob colder, and colder until there was a noticeable difference in his stupor. He went from high as the sky to 21st birthday bash after twenty minutes of ice cold water. Fearing he'd go hypothermic, Anna had him climb out.

_What happened to Castiel? I thought he went to college? Drug addict? That's not very Castiel!_

Now it was.

Exhale.

______________

"Jo, can you run flash cards with me?" Dean asked, rubbing his tired eyes. He hadn't slept in over 24 hours, cramming for finals. The bags under his eyes were screaming 'sleep.' He leaned into his desk as if it were the only thing that kept him from a tumble down into a heap of man and dirty clothes.

"No." She said simply, flipping the page of her book dramatically, not looking up. The title read _'To Have Had, and to Have Lost_ '

"Why?" Dean complained, dragging his word out. He had to do well. His mathematics course always killed him. It was something he was never good at, recalling how Sammy showed him tricks. (Which was embarrassing. He was far too smart for his own good.)

"Because, Dean, you'll do great as always. You're just psyching yourself out, and getting paranoid without sleep. Take a nap, man." She explained, closing her book. She laid out on Dean's bed, putting her book on his bedside table. Somehow they always ended up here, Jo being the voice of reason in Dean's self demise.

"You sure?" He asked nervously, as he put his flashcards down on the desk, among his study guides, papers, and essays.

"Yeah. Hey scratch that nap, let's go to the Roadhouse. I'm sure my mom misses your pretty Ken doll face." She laughed, making a kissy face. Dean rolled his eyes but agreed. He hadn't done much of anything fun since finals started. (Even though he knew most courses by heart and soul.) Jo, however, had a system. Relax and party as much as possible during finals, no stressful studying. Apparently it got her through high school and first year of college, with a 3.7 gpa, which Dean found impressive.

"Okay, let's go! I call shotgun!" Jo said excitedly. "Jo, you're the only one here." Dean laughed. Jo didn't care, she climbed in as the engine Dean's baby ignited.

And that is how Dean found himself drowning in a bottle of tequila. Faintly he heard "Shots, shots, shots!" Even though they were screaming. Dean downed shot after shot, shaking his head in disgust. "Nasty." He complained, staring right at Jo. She shrugged her shoulders laughing at Dean's inebriated state of mind. Everything around him was spun, but overall he felt happy and carefree. Nothing could stop him.

"Ellen, you're like a mother to me! Thank you!" He slurred, and hugged the woman from behind as she was wiping down tables. At this point, she didn't even try to keep the booze from the both of them. They got around it every single time. Besides, it's better than getting drunk here than at some frat party.

"Get off me, you drunken mess." She said, Dean could tell she was only kidding. Jo laughed so hard she'd started snorting. Dean's sloppy grin never left his face. Jo made her way to Dean, and pulled him towards the exit, "I think it's time to cut you off, partner." She laughed, she called out a goodbye to her mother as they shut door and were met by cold spring-night air.  
  
"But Jo-o-o-" Dean complained, but allowed Jo to push him into the back seat. He landed with a thump against the bench seat. It was a far from comfortable, but he was too drunk to care. Dean also drank too much to care that Jo drove his baby. She'd crashed it their last year of college when she was a little more tipsy than she let on. Next thing they knew the front was smashed in, that was when Jo lost driving privileges. Until now, at least. The engine started with a purr as Jo put the car into drive.

" _Jo-oey-oh-oh_. I've got a secret!" Dean said gleefully from the backseat, trying to sit up to look in the rear view mirror to find Jo's face.

"Oh yeah, flapjack? What is it?" Jo snorted, taking a right turn. Glancing in the review mirror she could see Dean hazily glancing up at her.

"You know how I went through basic training, became a reserve and all that fun stuff?" Dean slurred, giving up on the search for Jo's eyes.

"Yeah, why?"

"Sometimes I think I should be sent out as a punishment."

Jo had no reply.

The rest of the ride was silent, aside Dean's snores.  
_____________________

"Cas, Castiel, _CAS_!" Anna screamed, shaking her brother violently. He struggled to breathe, gagging and sputtering. She pulled open an eyelid to see it was pinning, before it rolled back into his skull. At that point she was in full panic mode. Her older brothers lips were starting to tint a slight blue, as he struggled for each breath. Tears flew down her face shamelessly. No matter how hard she shook him, or how loud she screamed, he did nothing at all. She did all she could to try to awaken him, slapped, punched, screamed, cried, but nothing worked.

"911, what is your emergency?" The operator deadpanned, as if they didn't care what the person on the other end of the line was about to say. _'Your brothers been shot, oh darn.'_

"My brothers overdosed, his eyes are pinned and he can barely breathe. What do I do? I need help!" Anna cried, tears falling down her face, fast and furious like a river towards the gulf of Mexico.

"How old is he?" She asked, a little more empathetic than previously.

"He's nineteen." She blubbered, "What do I do?"

There was silence over the line for a few beats, "Do you know rescue breathing?"

Anna had to think, she knew bits and pieces from when getting her babysitter qualifications as a child but certainly that wouldn't do.

"Only a little." She bawled. The operator hushed her, "Tilt his chin slightly, plug his nose, and do two breaths. If his chest is properly rising, continue to repeat the first steps. An ambulance will be there soon. What's your address?"

Anna quickly rattled off her street before she knelt next to her brothers bed, and started to preform the steps as the operator had told her. But all she truly waited for was to hear the sirens. Castiel needed more help than she could provide, if his brain was starved for oxygen too long, he would never wake up. That, she was sure of.

Within minutes, she could hear sirens. Breaking away from Castiel she slumped herself over his body, crying. "Castiel, don't give up. I can't lose you, you're my best friend." She whispered, kissing his scruffy unshaven cheek. He looked so different from he did just a few years past. It isn't like he could have had some growth spurt or facial surgery. Pain just changed him. His vibrant, full of life eyes grew dull. Hair longer, and his facial hair untamed.

_Like he'd given up._

Someone burst through the front door, but Anna ignored it, knowing it was paramedics. "Up here!" She screamed, holding Castiel's hand tightly. "They're here, brother. Don't give up on me, now."

Paramedics entered the room, pulled Anna back with force, with an utter lack of bedside manner. She watched in horror as they forced a tube down Castiel's throat and began pumping air into his lungs. Moving him onto a stretcher, he crashed.

"No pulse, start compressions." Anna collapsed onto the ground, and held her face in her hands. She heard the break of Castiel's rib bones as they tried to restart his heart. She couldn't help but cringe, it sounded unnatural. She tried to pretend this wasn't happening, it wasn't real. Until she could hear the charge of defibulators. Almost like lightning in the dead of night.

Shock one.

"Again!"

Shock two.

"Again!"

Shock three.

"We've got a pulse, get him out of here!" One yelled. They wheeled Anna's brother out without another word. What hospital he'd be at, what his chances were, nothing. She was left without a clue.

Anna stood in the empty, cold room, trying to stop her tears but was unable. So instead, she crawled into Castiel's bed, wrapping the blankets around her to pretend that it was like when she was little when Castiel cuddled her up and read her Cinderella countless times. But all his sheets reminded her of were cigarettes and dead dreams.

_________________

When Castiel woke, he already felt like he was choking. The tube down his throat to keep him from breathing was now making it hard to breathe at all.

"Nurse! We need help!" Anna cried out, coming to her brothers side, smoothing his wild hair. Castiel continued to make a choking noise until a doctor pulled the tube from his throat. He took large, uneven gasps. Anna wrapped him in a deep bear hug, crying into his shoulder, refusing to let him go.

"Castiel, I thought I'd lost you."

_In a way, she had._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Chapter since it was done far before the deadline. If all goes well, I will still be update thing 21st (But since my sisters birthday is the 23rd things may change)
> 
> Thank you all for sticking around, and sorry we're still not back to the present yet. SOON!  
> And Thank you Danny for betaing this chapter!
> 
> Lastly, I've started writing College Way! Here is the synopsis. (Unlike a lot of writers I LOVE them.)
> 
> Castiel Novak was hoplessly in love with a man who he's sid fewer words to than there are rainstorms in the desert. But while laying in the common area of his University, things were forever changed, by the infamous Bella Talbot, man-destroying, party thowing, extraordinare. All by saying eleven words. "I can get Dean Winchester to fall in love with you."


	8. 25 Years Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's birthday party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last past-chapter. We'll be up to speed after this short bit! No official beta, because I was too excited to post so I used an online paper editor. Classy bitch.  
> Also, College Way has officially begun! Keep a look out!  
> Most of this was written in a bathtowel after a shower so be grateful.xo

"Happy Birthday, Dean!" The crowd yelled, with Jo, Gabe, and Ash in the front holding party poppers and pie. Dean hadn't even realized he had this many friends in this town, sure a few, but enough to fill a bar? The grin on Dean's face grew bigger by the second, he's had birthday parties but as a kid they were usually ruined by dad getting too drunk to be coherent then scaring everyone off. This was the first party he's had without the risk of that, and deep down he was glad. A guy should enjoy his twenty fifth birthday. 

Dean walked forward and blew out the candles that were on the pie, which made everyone in the room cheer. 

"There's a cake but we all knew you'd turn your nose up at it." Jo laughed while handing him the pie. "Let's get you so drunk even your bowlegs won't know what to do!" Gabriel cheered, walking behind the counter to grab the biggest bottle of vodka he had.

"Oh god." Dean groaned as he slid into a bar chair next to Ash. His mullet seemed even more wild tonight than most nights, especially with his sleevless plaid shirt and ripped jeans. His whole look screamed country.

"Dr. Badass is in, care to see who can down the most?" Ash questioned, grinning deviously. Dean could tell he was already a little drunk as is. He could take him. Dean knew even though Ash could handle his booze like Jesus himself, that he could handle them better. Years of teenage drinking taught him that. Except for tequila, but that was another story.

"You're on, Doctor." Gabe grinned widely before setting up two lines of shot glasses, six glasses each. He fills them all in one swift motion, then taking an air shot himself. After the third shot Dean downs, Jo interupts him.

"I want to give this to you before you're too drunk to remember it." Dean snorted, "You didn't have to get me anything." The smile on his face was genuine, as he pulled Jo in for a tight, short hug.

"Yes, I did. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" She smiled, "You'd be us!" Ash laughed, gesturing between himself and Gabe, who shrugged with a grin. Jo shook her head, rolling her eyes at them. "Just open it so I can get drunk and not worry about it."

"Okay, okay, bossy." Dean opens the box to find a large, leather bound scrap book. There was a picture in the center of the cover, of Jo, Gabe, Ash, and himself standing outside Brew the Day after major renovations a few months in. Above the photo in fancy lettering was the word 'Family.'

"You've never been without a family Dean, you'll always have us." She whispered. Dean's eyes were watering, letting only a few tears stream down his face. Before looking through the book, he hugged Jo even tighter, whispering thank you in her ear.

"Of course." She smiled softly, leaving him to the book and his shots. Knocking back the remaining shots, Ash smiled with victory in his eyes, not that it bothered Dean. The first page of the book was during their first year of University. Ranging from just sitting in their dorm rooms, to the color run. The pages progressed with his age, (And maturity, not that he'd admit that.) Moving into his apartment, working at the roadhouse, embarassing holiday photos, even his college graduation. But the last pages were the ones that shocked him.

"How'd she get these?" He asked outloud, boggling at the photos. The few he'd gotten before leaving. 

"Girl can pick a lock better than some blacksmiths." Ash smiled. Dean nodded, not able to take his eyes off the pages. He paid particular attention to the ones with Sammy and his mother. His old friends weren't important anymore, they'd lost contact long ago, but Sam and his mom always will be in Dean's mind.

Dean turned to the very last page of the book, and it almost made him choke on his drink. All pictures of Castiel and himself. Arms entangled, long kisses, and stolen moments, in one place. Documented and pieced together. The tears were flowing freely at this point, his guilt and sadness were overwhelming. He'd never shown these photos to anyone, not even Jo.

Wiping his eyes, he looked at Gabe. "Tequila."

"You sure, man I mean-"

"I'm sure. Line em' up."

____________________________________

"Two more?" Dean slurred with over half a dozen empty glasses infront of him. The whole room was spinning. The only thing that kept him off the floor was the bar infront of him. Gabriel looked Dean up and down only for a moment before saying, "No way in hell. You're trashed, time to go home, buddy."

Dean whined, "But I'm not done." Gabriel shook his head, ducking under the bar to help Dean up. "Yes, you are, birthday boy." Dean put his arm around Gabriel's shoulder to help support himself since he couldn't on his own. Most everyone was gone at that point, just a few stragglers.

"Bars closed, people. Birthday boy is out!" Gabe yelled, ringing the Last call bell. People grumbled by filed out within minutes, leaving the place in chaos. Dean pulled his keys out of his pocket and put them in Gabe's hands, who nodded and guided the drunken man to the impala. Night like this reminds him of all the times he's been dragged out of that bar before, and other bars like it. The bottle had become his friend over the years, not to his fathers extent but unhealthy just the same.

The drive to Dean's apartment was quiet aside Dean's soft whispers, mostly addressed to himself rather than Gabe. At that point, Gabe had to mostly drag Dean up the stairs into the apartment, because he was too out of it to make his way up them himself. When Gabe let Dean flop onto the couch, Dean groaned, "Gabe I need to talk to you."

"Dude, you're drunk, maybe you should keep your tit-talk to yourself." Gabe said

"I still haven't moved on, he's always on my mind." Dean said, shaking the scrapbook in the air, letting himself cry. "I've never fallen out of love with him. He probably hates me, and I wouldn't blame him." Gabe sighed and sat in the arm chair across from the couch, resigning to listening to Dean's drunken drabble.

"We used to talk about leaving and coming here," he half laughed-half sobbed. "Getting married even." Dean threw the scrapbook at Gabriel, "We were in love, and Gabe I ruined it, all because I was scared. Can you believe it? I was scared of this pitiful old drunk, but now I've become him." Dean's frown grew as he settled into the couch. 

Gabriel opened the scrapbook to the last page. His eyes widened in shock, as his jaw dropped slightly. "This-this is him?" Dean nodded, "Castiel. His name was Castiel. He was perfect in every single way. Believe me, I didn't deserve him. No matter how many times I told him that, he didn't listen. Always pulled me back in. He got me out of the worst situatons, and hell the amount of times he stitched me up, he might as well have been a nurse or something." Gabe only nodded, staring at the pictures. One specifically, with Castiel playing the piano in their living room. His eyes a fierce blue color, that they'd lost years ago.

"He looks..so happy." Gabe whispered, touching the photographs with care, finding himself mesmerized by the boy. So different from the one that he knew now. Gabriel always felt it hurt more than if he'd lost his brother. Because this way, he had to watch his brother deteriorate day by day. Each time he stuck a needle in his own arm, the further he was from them all. The deadest twenty five year old he'd ever seen, and with every type of person he saw while owning a bar, that was saying something. Especially with his friend infront of him, whom no matter how happy he seemed on the outside, he was dead on the inside. Gabriel saw it inside him the day they'd met, nothing had changed.

"Castiel was the happiest person I knew, he'd do anything for you, no matter what."

"Yeah... I bet." Gabe trailed off, not able to take his eyes off the pictures. When Dean started to snore, Gabe pulled one of the photos out of the scrapbook as he let himself out of the apartment. Pulling out his cellphone, he dialed the all too familiar number.

"Hun, it's really late. Are you okay?"

"Hey Mom. Yeah, I'm okay. Castiel home?"

____________________________

Dean woke with a hammering head ache, and a painful sensation in his neck from sleeping on the couch. He could smell eggs from the kitchen, so he got up from his uncomfortable spot on the couch and stumbled in to find Gabe standing oover the stove with a small smile and a five o'clock shadow.

"Did I say anything stupid last night?" Dean questioned while opening the fridge to retrieve a juice carton.

"Nah, not at all." He lied.


	9. A Trip Down Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean takes off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ladies and gents, after rewriting this chapter four times (it would delete itself after I close my laptop) I've finally got it! 3k even! Best version of the chapter anyway. Plus some canon quotes just because I can  
> Since I finished this so last minute, no beta (I ran it through a paper editor though)
> 
> Considering going from Bi-weekly to weekly. Thoughts?
> 
> For updates, follow the tag "Be home soon dean" on tumblr!
> 
> I've changed my URL! Now find me at ProfoundlyInLove.tumblr.com
> 
> Lastly, I'm planning a ficlet. Another Military AU (Ugh alex another military AU) Shut up, I know, I have a problem. SOMETIMES A GIRL JUST LIKES A SEXY MAN IN UNIFORM. anyway heres the synopsis.
> 
> "Dean has been deployed for less than twelve hours out of the fourteen months that he's to be gone, and Castiel already feels like he's lost a part of himself. The only thing keeping him going are the words, "I'll be okay, Cas. Don't worry." The day they lost contact with Dean's batilion feels like the end of the word. 14 months comes and goes. Where's Dean?"
> 
> Shut up Alex, Happy reading!

 

"This? This is why you brought me here?" Castiel yelled, staring Gabe right in the eye. They were standing among Gabe's things, that Castiel had thrown about in a fit of anger and betrayal. The room looked like a tornado had gone threw it, a tornado named Castiel Novak.

"I thought maybe you wanted me to get better! But no, you brought me here because of him!" Castiel cried out, Gabriel looked at the floor while mumbling, " _I thought I was doing the right thing_. I do love you, and want you to get better. I thought this was how to do it."

Castiel's eyes narrowed onto Gabriel, anger in them like a raging fire taking over a home in moments. "Do you know what he did to me? When it was his turn to come out to his parents, he ran off. No one heard from him, ever! Not a phone call, or letter, email or IM. He ran off into the middle of the night just so he wouldn't come out. He's a coward, a spineless, disgusting, pompous, coward. The asshole got the apple-pie-life he always wanted. I guess his fantasies never included me." The words were spat out like they were venom on his tongue.

"That's not what happened! And Castiel, do you have any idea how horribly he feels about it all to this day? The man doesn't take care of himself! He hates himself to his very core! Can't you see that?" Gabriel shouted, making large gestures with his hands, not exactly portraying anything but more nervous energy. Over the time Gabriel's known Dean Winchester, the man has never been 100% okay. Always something eating at him deep inside, he may not share much while sober, but those closest to him could tell there was something wrong. Those drunken moments confirmed they're fears. Gabriel's seen depression in other people over his own years, but this was different. Dean Winchester was far more depressed, how he passed his military psych test was beyond him. No, no it wasn't. Dean lied through his teeth, believing to his core that he needed to be punished for his sins. That his day would come and they would call his name. Dean Winchester, ready to serve, _hoping to die at the hand of anyone willing to pull the trigger_.

Castiel didn't say anything for a moment, "Good." Walking away, slamming the door of the spare bedroom, leaving Gabriel alone in his living room alone with his wrecked apartment. No matter how much Castiel hated it, he was stuck here, having already been enrolled in an outpatient program starting the next day, and nowhere else to go. Their father was gone, mother unable to care for herself, and Anna going through college whilst caring for their mother.

"Not good, not good at all." He whispered, leaning onto the floor to pick up a shattered picture frame, Dean and himself behind the counter at the bar on his 25th birthday. Big drunken smiles on their faces. Though anyone could see the pain in Dean Winchester's eyes, they just had to look.

* * *

 

"Dean, snap out of it." Jo said, waving her hand in front of Dean's face. Shaking his head, he mumbled an apology while wiping down the counter. Jo bit her lip, watching Dean sadly. She could see all the pain he felt in his eyes, remembering all the nights in college where Dean would break down to her, sobbing over this mystery man from Kansas. Now, mystery man had a face and body. A very different man from Dean's descriptions, but she guessed it was age combined with drugs. Jo could remember seeing people in college start using hard drugs, watching them spiral down until they were either in rehab or dead. It was enough to keep her from anything harder than weed and booze.

Someone walked into the shop while both of them were in their own heads, so when she made her way up to the counter, she was practically invisible.

"Guys? Hello?" She asked, snapping Jo back to reality while Dean mindlessly worked.

"Sorry, hey Charlie. What's up?" She asked, smiling bright at the redhead.

"Came to tell you guys, I got the job at Roman Enterprises!" She exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down. Charlie was a tech junkie, and could hack into anything she wanted, so she could have any job she wanted if she tried. Charlie met them in college when Ash introduced them, both Charlie and Ash were tech savie geniuses. Unfortunately during college, they used their brains for evil and would change grades and cancel classes for pay.

"That's great, Charlie!" Jo said, reaching out taking Charlie's hands. Charlie's grin didn't fade, as her eyes looked Dean over. "He looks worse than usual..And the bruise..Dude what happened?" Jo took a deep breath, frowning, she explained the situation to her friend, who gasped.

"The _Castiel_? No way!"

"Yes way."

"Is he oka--" Jo shook her head before Charlie could finish, which brought a frown to her face. "Don't let him do anything stupid, okay Jo?" She nodded, "Of course." Sam walked out from the back, with a coffee bag over his shoulder.

"Hey Charlie, how're things?" He asked, with a small genuine smile on his face. Wiping his brow, he drops the bag behind the counter as Charlie says, "Good, you Sam?"

"Dramatic." He says simply, clasping Dean's shoulder, which finally brings him to reality.

"Whoa, hey Charlie, Sam."

"I'm actually on my way out, feel better Dean." She waved on her way out, making the door's bell ring. The shop was empty aside from the three of them, after the scene earlier things cleared out pretty fast, Jo suspected it was just for today. No one wants coffee without a side of gay brawls and heartbreak.

Without a word, Dean through down his rag walking out the shop store, not listening to Sam or Jo's protests. His car started with a roar, unlike any other car on the market. Dean sped away before anyone could stop him. Going well over the speed limit, he knew exactly where he was going.

 _Carry on my wayward son_ \--- He hit ignore, tossing his phone into the passenger seat. After a few seconds it rang again, and again, and again. Eventually, he threw the phone out the window as he was boarding the interstate, it landed in some shrubs, Dean hoped it shattered into a million pieces or fell into a hidden storm drain. Someone behind him honked twice for littering, but Dean simply stuck his hand out the window and flipped them off before speeding even faster, easily reaching over seventy-five miles an hour.

Dean popped a tape into the player, letting classic rock fill the car to avoid his own thoughts. It was too late to turn back now, leaving the city limits. He'd reach his destination late tonight, that's if he didn't get pulled over for speeding, that is. So he eased his speed, taking deep breaths. His nerves were higher than the clouds above him.

Leaving the windy city for the humid weather of Lawrence, Kansas.

* * *

 

Dean parked his car, sitting still. He'd stopped at the local florist for a bouquet of flowers. Lilacs. Her favorite. Dean had fond memories of his mother picking them in their backyard, despite being allergic. She'd stick them in Dean's hair while he was playing pretend, saying that " _This way fairies will protect you as you battle evil in the name of Prince of Lawrence_ " He wiped his teary eyes before exiting the car. Holding the flowers close to his chest, he drew closer to the entrance. The old metal sign read Oak Hill Cemetary. He only knew where his mother was buried after a dozen phone calls from a dirty payphone and multiple bribes. Plot 102 under an old willow tree.

The walk up the hill was slow, glancing at graves as he passed. Some were people he knew as a child, but most were faceless strangers. When the willow tree was in sight, he felt tears fall, and fast. He broke into a run until he was standing in front of a small gravestone.

_Mary Winchester. Beloved Daughter, Mother, and Human Being._

Dean dropped to his knees, hands and forehead on the grave. Through tears he gasped, "Mom. Mom I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The flowers dropped to the ground in front of him, but he didn't care.

"Mom, I've missed you so much, I would have never left if I knew this was what would happen." His tears never stopped, only grew faster and heavier, along with his breathing.

"Mom, I went to college like you wanted, I have my own business!" Dean's sobbing doesn't cease.

"Friends, too. Real friends, not just the people I used to hang out around in high school. They take care of me--even when I don't." Dean wiped his eyes, wishing it was his mother he was talking to, instead of some marble grave marker in a cemetery. Dean suspected his father didn't pay for this, probably his grandmother or grandfather--whom were probably dead at this point. When Dean left, they were both on death's door sickened with cancer and old age.

"I--I broke so many people when I left. You, but Castiel especially. He's so far gone that it hurts. He hates me, do you hate me? I wouldn't blame you if you did. I left you with Dad. Why did I do that? He's a monster, and I left him with you and Sammy. Mom I'm sorry." Dean sobbed, he hoped that somehow his mother could hear him.

"I, um, I just came to tell you. I love you, Mom. More than I can ever say. And I hope you believe me." Dean stood and turned away, wiping tears from his eyes before his face hardened. "First stop down, three to go."

_______________

  
The next stop was a house he visited constantly as a teenager, the amount of times he was snuck in through the kitchen window by the two siblings was baffling. Then again the parents were usually knocked out by a combination of Ambien and scotch, the teens could have had a house party and they wouldn't have woken up.

Dean knocked on the front door to be met with the youngest sibling. Anna Novak.

"Hello, Anna." He offered a small smile that wasn't returned.

"Dean Winchester, I suggest you get off this property with your piece of shit car, before I shoot you."

"This is going better than expected. I just came to say, I'm sorry. Castiel's up in Chicago, I know, we met. I know your older brother, Gabriel."  
  
"Gabriel, huh? Still up to his tricks?" Dean nodded smiling, "He's running a bar next to my shop, the guy can handle his liquor better than anyone I know." That made Anna laugh, a long sincere laugh.

"Man, he can handle them like no other!"

"Yeah, yeah he can. What're you up to these days?"

"Going to college, KU, taking care of my mom since she can't take care of herself anymore."

"Whys that?" Dean inquired.

"Since Dad died in a wreck, she's been...Distant?" She said, searching for the right word.

"I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I'm over it, don't worry about it. What are you doing in Lawrence anyway? Haven't been around these parts in..Well years."

"Making my long due rounds. Just was at the cemetery, my mother."

"Now its my turn for condolences."

"Thanks, I'll leave you now." Dean said with a small, sad smile.

"Not without a hug, don't leave for nine years again, alright? Here's my number." Dean laughed alright as Anna hands him a slip of paper, pulling him into a hug.

"Take care of my brothers, okay?" He nodded as Anna shut the door.

"Least I didn't get shot." He mumbled as he got into the Impala, the engine sounded even louder at night, especially in this suburban neighborhood. The drive to the next stop was short, but it was enough time for the anger he'd felt all these years to come back to the surface in full force, like a train hitting a bus at top speed. He was practically seeing red by the time he parked in front of his childhood home. His father's truck was parked in the driveway, beaten to hell and ignored. Somewhere along the way, he must have stopped taking care of it. Dean remembered his father taking better care of that car, than his own family.

Walking up the steps of the porch, memories assaulted him. Things he hadn't thought about in years.

_"Dean don't be stupid!" Sad shouted from the ground. Dean rolled his eyes, "It's not a big drop, Sammy!" Followed by a yelp and an ER visit, resulting in his first self inflicted broken bone._

_"Happy birthday Dean!" His mom and Sam shouted, holding a pie in front of him with sixteen candles. "Make a wish, sweetie." He wished that this moment could last forever. But it didn't._

_"Dean, be quiet or we're going to get caught!" Castiel hushed, almost slipping from his seat on the branch. "Cas, it was your idea to watch the stars from up here. Let me enjoy it!"_

_"Dean wake up, we're late for school!" Sam yelled, pulling the covers off his brother. "Fuck!" Dean yelled, throwing himself out of bed. That was the last day he ever went to Lawrence High._

Dean banged on the door shouting, "Old man, I know you're in there, open the fuck up!" It was only a few minutes before someone grouchly makes their way to the door, yanking it open with a force that only Dean's family knew. Dean's father smelled of alcohol and grime, as if he hadn't showered in days.

"Who the hell are you and whatdya want?" John barked, a bottle of whiskey in hand.

"So drunk you don't even recognize your own son?" Dean said bitterly, disgusted with the man his fathers become. Johns eyes narrowed on him, "I thought I told you to never come back." He takes another drink from the bottle, nearly out.

"You used to tell me I'd amount to nothing. But you were wrong. I went through college, I have a business of my own! I'm anything but a failure. I may have hurt people, but I'm nothing like you." Dean yelled at the top of his lungs, not caring who heard.  
  
John smirked at Dean, taking the last gulp of whiskey before answering his son. "You're everything like me. I see it in your eyes, Dean. You're just as broken as me. You are me." Dean shook his head, turning around. "I'm nothing like you, and never will be."

_Smash._

Dean was lying on the ground with glass all around him, the pain in his head was surreal.

"Make yourself useful, get me more booze."

* * *

 

 

When Dean finally drug himself off the ground, his father was gone. Everything was spinning, and he cursed himself for throwing his cellphone out the window. Thankfully down the road there was a pay phone. But making it there was a problem. Things were going black, and fast. So Dean stumbled his way down the street until he was in the phone box fading fast.

Dean pushed two quarters in before punching in the all too familiar number, the number he would call as a kid whenever John was screaming curses at him threatening his life, or when he needed advice or help. The only man in this world that Dean truly considered his father.

"Hello?"

"Bobby, it's me..Dean Winchester. I'm outside the old house in the phone booth and---I need you to come get me."

"Okay, what's wrong?"

_No answer._

"Dean, you there?"

"Balls."

* * *

 

Dean awoke with a start, leaning up he finds himself in Bobby Singer's living room. He remembers the hours he spent in this house, trying to avoid John's rage. Bobby did all the things a father should do for their son. Taught him to play sports (Without Bobby he would have never made the baseball team in high school.), took him camping, taught him how to fish, how to be a real man.

"Idjit, took me hours to get all that glass out of your head." Bobby said, sitting across from him in an armchair. He looked the exact same, except more wrinkles and less hair. Dean reached for the back of his head, bandaged up thankfully.

"You've been out for hours, was starting to get worried. Hurts like a bitch, doesn't it? I think I've got some stronger stuff upstairs if you need." Dean shook his head with a smile, "Thank Bobby, I'm good. How're you?"

"I'm as good as expected, old as balls." He laughed, making Dean laugh. He hadn't realized how much he missed the man until now. Everything in him was screaming 'Stay here, forget Chicago' but he knew he had to go home. He hadn't told anyone where he's gone, why, or if he'll even be back.

Sitting up, he felt pain shoot through his back, neck and head. Sleeping on a couch older than you, does that. He discovered he'd been sleeping on a book, rolling his eyes, he picks it up to read the title.

"We're on to Mandarin, now are we?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. As long as Dean could remember, Bobby had been learning every language he could get his hands on. From Spanish to Anciet Latin. Whenever Dean or Sam questioned it, he'd always answer, "What if you wanted to build a table and the instructions were in a language you didn't know?"

"Shut up, ya idjit. I think you have some questions to answer."

Dean sighed, knowing he was right. It took over an hour to explain the past nine years of his life, so much happened in such a short amount of time. The biggest highlight was him finally growing up, getting a sense of maturity. He wasn't given a choice, he didn't have Mom to rely on. Clothes no longer magically appeared clean on his bed, food wasn't on the table at six, things didn't just appear in the fridge.

"Shit, Bobby what time is it?" Dean asked in realization how long he's been gone.

Checking his clock, Bobby replied, "Now, it's four in the afternoon."

Dean's eyes went wide, "Bobby, man I love you but I've got to go. Businuess to run, people to beg for forgiveness." Bobby offered a small smile, "Your cars out front, don't say I never did anything for you! And don't you dare be a stranger!"

Dean grinned, "Wouldn't dream of it."


	10. You Don't Say That To Gay People, Gabe!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions with a side of heart alamode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe me, guys, THIS ISNT THE END. We still have some shit to go through, and some hearts to break, alright?!
> 
> This chapter practically gave me a cavity it was so sweet and cliche'd. PREPARE YOSELF.
> 
> Also, don't take offense to the chapter name, hopefully youll take it in good heart. I mean personally I couldn't give a shit whats in your pants and I didnt take offense but you never know.

"Dean Winchester you have so much explaining to do!" Jo shouted as Dean walked into the coffee shop the next day, looking tired and achey. The new bandaging around his head was a dead giveaway that Dean was up to something shadey.

Things were quiet as per usual, being late morning, the morning rush had come and gone without Dean's presence, which was rare and unusual. Jo didn't have an explanation to give other than 'He up and left' which worried multiple usual-customers. Thankfully she had Sam come in to fill the spot, somewhere the stars aligned because his class had been cancelled. (Or Jo called Ash, but that's something she'd never tell.)

"I know, I know." Dean said with his hands up in defense. Jo's face looked more worried than genuinely upset with him. She through down her rag and motioned for Dean to sit in one of the two-person booths. He does as told, figuring he didn't want to upset Jo even more so.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jo asked, determined to get a full, uncensored answer, even if it meant pulling teeth.  
  
"Kansas." Dean said simply, not skipping around the bush.

"What the hell where you doing there!" Jo asked, obviously worried for the coming answer. There were so many things Dean could be doing in the state of Kansas, ranging from getting cheaper hick booze to torching his fathers house in a bout of anger. The latter, she'd never blame Dean for. Hell she'd help him hide the evidence!

"Just..Confronting a part of my past, I guess." He said, a feeling of relief overcame his body. Like that part of his life was finally over, no more fearing his drunken father, hiding in Uncle Bobby's house to avoid a coming beating. High school is over, he's a man now, time to act like one.

"Well..Are you okay?" Jo asked, mostly worried about his head. She wondered if he'd seen a doctor or just did another Winchester self-service.

"Aside my head, I feel...better." Dean concluded with a small smile.

"Yeah about that...How did that happen?" Jo bit her lip, worried about the answer Dean would give her. She'd babied this boy for years, she hated seeing him actually hurt.

"My Dad, broke his whiskey bottle over my head." Dean winced slightly, waiting for Jo's response.

"I'm gonna kill him one day, I swear." She growled, rolling her eyes angerly, which made Dean smile. "I'll help you hide the body." He grinned, making Jo laugh until she had a sudden realization.

"Call your damn brother! He's worried sick! I had to force him out the door this morning, to get him to go to class instead of waiting around here for you.

"On it." He reached into his pocket for his phone, until he realized it wouldn't be there. "Um, Jo. Can I borrow your phone? Mines on the side of the interstate." She rolled her eyes while handing him the phone. Scrolling through the contacts, he found Gigantor, and pressed call.

"Jo, I'm in class!" Sam hissed, "This better be important!"

Dean chuckled, "I'm actually not a bottle blonde, thanks." Which earned Dean a punch in the arm. "Ow!" He glared at Jo, who gave him a dirty acusatory look. She'd told him that in confidence.

"Dean! Crap, give me a second." They could hear shuffling before Sam returned, "Where have you been?"

"Home sweet home, Sammy."

"Dean we checked your apartment, and don't call me Sammy." This made Dean roll his eyes.

"Kansas, _Sammy_."

"What! What the hell were you doing there?" Jo was already rubbing off on his little brother. Great, two Jo's. That'll be fun, Dean thought.

"Like I told Jo, confronting my past. Mom, Dad, Bobby. Dad bashed my head in with a good ol' whiskey bottle, that's why I took so long. Gonna untwist your panties already?"

"Jerk."

"Bitch." This felt comfortable, the awkward 'hey you were gone for nine years' stage is over, they were finally just brothers. Spending time together daily helped. When it wasn't at the shop, it was in Gabe's bar, or out and about. They'd fell into old routines (adult version) fast and easily.

"While I've got you, I've been meaning to ask, what happened to that Jess girl?" Dean asked, settling into the booth as Jo got up to take someones order. From afar, it looked like Misses Deball, a woman with three kids and too much on her plate. The few times she brought her kids in, they'd managed to break two displays and Dean's favorite mug. It may or may not have been stolen from his roommate in the first year of college, but he only took it because his roommate had the tendency to wake Dean up at the crack of dawn by blasting eye of the tiger during his dorm workouts. So the mug was like a personal trophy.

"Dean, incase you can't remember, Jess was a girl I fancied as a kid. Made the whole thing up when I re-met you. Didn't want to seem lame." Sam laughed, Dean could tell he'd started eating. Figures, the kid probably hasn't eaten all day. Sam was never one for breakfast, and won't eat on the job. (Very opposite of Dean, who ate constantly)

"Seriously? Dude, I haven't had a proper date in literally nine years. If anyones lame, it's me." Dean said very seriously, but there was a slight undertone of amusement, so Sam laughed. Thankfully he managed to not choke in the process.

"Reminds me, I've got one more person to talk to." This got Jo's attention from across the shop, because there's only one person in the world that could mean, and it meant bad news for them all. There was no way in hell Castiel was going to forget the past nine years on a drop of a dime, just because a pretty boy asked him to.

"Cas?" Sam deadpanned, obviously worried. Considering the last time the two of them were in a room together, the guy punched him in the face, dislocating his jaw. Cas was definitely a lot stronger than he was a teenager. It was pretty obvious, considering the guy had some pretty good muscles, considering everything. He had the bruise to prove it.

"Yup." He ended the call.

____

"Cmon, someone answer the god damn door." Dean said gruffly. He'd been knocking for a few minutes. He was nintey percent sure it was just Cas at home. He can see Cas through the sliver of glass beside the door, but it seemed Cas couldn't see him. Or else he probably would have moved.  
  
" _Cas I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Cas, it's me. We're family_. Or, were." Dean said softly, being completely honest. They were family, long ago. The closest pair to walk this earth.

"Cas, man, please. Let me explain. Don't make me get pitiful out here." Someone walked past him, staring with a raised eye brow. When Dean stared at the man with anger in his eyes, the man turned away, obviously not wanting to mess with Dean. Which made Dean smirk slightly.

"Okay, reaching pitiful, Cas." He huffed, residing to sitting against the door, back to the wood, legs flat against the ground.

"Fine, you know what, I'll talk through the door. Cas, I'm in love with you and always have been. You don't just stop loving someone, when you have what we had. I haven't dated a soul, and Jo can vouch for that. The amount of times I bawled over you while drunk is just distasteful. I didn't choose to leave you, man. Why would I? I was going to buy a friggin' ring for god sakes. When I came out, my dad kicked me out. Me not talking to you was wrong, I thought that it was the right this to do, that I wasn't enough for you. Stupid, but I was kinda right I mean, I'm not good enough for you, Cas. That's a fact. I mean look, I left and broke your heart. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I just wanted you to know the truth. I would have stayed with you till the day I died." Dean takes a deep breath, hoping with all his heart that Castiel would open the door, and would know the truth.

But nothing happened. Nothing at all. And that broke Dean Winchesters heart more than he'd ever have expected.

"Bye Cas." He said quietly, standing. A single tear fell down his face, wiping it away, he patted the door before walking away. He passed Gabe on the way out, but he shrugged it off saying he was tired after yesterdays escapades. Gabe nodded, saying to get some rest and explain tomorrow. Dean agreed quickly, so that he could finally go back to his apartment, _home._

The drive was quiet, and musicless. He had no desire for music right now, all he wanted was to lie on his couch and watch his Mom's old favorite movies, and wallow in his own heartbreak. He didn't speed, if anything he was as fast as a snail. Dean didn't feel angry with Castiel, or upset. Only sad with the choices he made all those years ago.

Dean didn't wave at crazy-cat-lady on the way to his apartment, he didn't smile at the kid for 204, or tell the little sister to give her brother a break. He did nothing, but walk to his door, unlock it, and go inside. He took off his shoes and walked straight into his bedroom where the movies were, but as he was taking them off the shelf, he was distracted by the box of letters. To satisfy his curiousity, he opened one letter, marked Castiel Novak.

_Dear Cas, Hey baby. I know I've been gone a while, a really long while. I'm at a party right now, birthday and all. But..I'm kinda sitting on the bathroom floor alone. Someone suggested to send drunk photos to my parents, and well. They can't. That hit me really hard, I guess. But that may make you wonder, why aren't I writing to my mom. Well, baby, I was just really missing you. We were attached at the hip, you know? It was amazing, seriously. It's weird not having you to talk to, and love unconditionally. You know, if I hadn't left, or even brought you with me, we would have been married by now. I was saving up for a ring, and knowing you, you would have said yes. Coulda' had a big gay bash! Anyway, I just wanted to say I love you. Love, Dean._

By the end of the letter, the levey had broke. Of course he picked an emotional letter. Just Dean's luck.

There was a knock on the door, short and solid. Dean wiped his eyes, making his way to the door. As he was opening he said, "Now isn't a good time." until his eyes registered who was standing infront of him.  
  
"Cas." Dean breathed. Cas only nodded, Dean couldn't read his expression, but he knew it wasnt angry. Sam and Jo's worries were for nothing, apparently.

"Hello Dean." Cas said, nodding.  
  
"How'd you know where I live?" Dean asked.

"Gabe." Of course. "I came here to talk. I heard you outside the door."

"I know you did." Dean said matter o' factly.

"Did you mean what you said?" Cas asked. There was hope in his voice, just a sliver, but it was there. That was enough for Dean. Maybe not enough to start naming kids, but enough for hope.

"Every word. I wouldn't lie to you, Cas."

"I..I didn't know. I wouldn't have punched you if I did. Or been so mad."

"Understandable."

"You were going to propose?"

Dean nodded. Cas looked down before lurching forward gathering Dean in a hug. Without a second thought, Dean hugged him back.

"Cas." He whispered into Castiel's hair.

"Maybe we should just start over. I mean I'm not going to just forget but I'm not going to let you go either." Cas said, which surprised Dean.

"Really?"

"Yeah. We need to rebuild trust and all, because I still love you too." Dean nodded his head, neither pulled away from the hug, not wanting to be apart for even a minute. No matter how much Dean hurt Castiel, Castiel would always have open arms. And likewise. It may not be a perfect relationship, but they loved eachother whole heartedly, and isn't that all that matters?

"Now we can have a big _gay_ wedding!" Gabe shouted, pulling a party popper, which made the two men pull away abruptly.

"Gabe! I told you to wait in the car! And where did that even come from?" Castiel said exasperated. Dean couldn't begin to imagine what it'd be like to have Gabe as a brother. Sure, they were practically brothers already, but its different to grow up with someone. Sammy was an easy kid, perfect grades, little awkward, kind of opposite of Dean, really.

"I've been waiting two years for this, baby brother, I wasn't going to miss this." Both the men stared at him with questions in their eyes.

"I saw pictures in that book Jo gave you, you drunk story told again and there was a picture of my baby brother. So of course I did everything I could to get his ass out here, and bam! I'm like cupid, but not naked!" The grin on Gabe's face was comical and child like.

"I thought you said I didn't say anything stupid." Dean deadpanned.

"Yeah well sometimes I lie, it was for the greater good. God just be happy for christs sake." He laughed, making Dean roll his eyes. "I'm never drinking with you again."

"Lies!" Gabe accused.

"Gabe, go home already." Cas said waving him off. Gabriel agreed, leaving the two of them alone.

"One last step, getting you better." Dean's smile was warm as Castiel took his hand.

"Last step." He agreed.

Maybe they'd be having a big gay wedding one day afterall.

___

"These..These were for me?" Cas asks, leafing through the letters. Dean had only grabbed the ones marked Castiel, but there was still more letters than there are stars in the sky.

"Cas, I told you, I never forgot you. I wrote you the other day even. I never stopped thinking about you." Castiel nodded, opening a letter. After a minute, Castiel put a hand over his mouth.

"Dean, I'm sorry that happened."

"Which one is it?"

"Being denied for a loan the first time around." Dean ahhed, that was hard, considering how much Dean wanted that denial letter to say approved. But it made the actual approval all the better.

__

"What do you mean he was _smiling_?" Jo shouted into the phone, thinking Gabe was pulling a joke on her. Dean doesn't smile much, and he was with Castiel, there was definitely no smiling going on. Jo was sure of that.

" _Hugging_? Gabe shut up, you think you're funny but you're not." She rolled her eyes as she locked the door of the coffeeshop. The light flickered above her as she held the phone between her cheek and shoulder. Then the phone beeped, and a multimedia message started to download. She expected the 'proof' to be gay porn or a Rickroll for nine hours straight.

"Holy _shit_!" She shouted, staring at the picture. "Wait you stopped to take a picture? Creepy Gabe." She started her car, promptly blasting the heat to warm it up.

"You stood in the hall while they talked? And they didn't know? That's even worse, Gabe!" Dean was happy. She thought she'd never see the day.

"You don't say that to gay people, Gabe!"

Things were _better_ than good, for Dean Winchester.


	11. All These Wayward Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas! And Dean is not a fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time jumps suck, but completely necessary. Cas' drug addiction isnt the main arch in the story, only a secondary plot.  
> TEEN WOLF REFERENCE PEOPLE   
> Also Hope Sparks is a counselling center here in Washington, that I go to. And believe me, it saved my life. I plan on getting the tattoo Jo has in this story. xo

**A few weeks later.**

"Dean, I swear to God if you don't open this door right now, I'll break it down myself!" Sam yelled while bashing on Dean's bedroom door. Dean moaned into his pillow, knowing why Sam was here, though he didn't have to like it. Holiday season was among them, which means Dean was going to take the day off. The shop becomes unbearably busy, good for his bank account but not his sanity. So he generally takes off some time during the holiday, saving him a sliver of his sanity. Even if Jo despised him for leaving her high and dry during the worst part of the year. Thankfully Sam slipped in to cover some of the work, since he's off from school until January. Which makes Dean question, what the hell he was doing here, and why he was disturbing Dean's much needed sleep.

"Go. Away." Dean moaned, hurling his pillow at the door. Today was one of his few days off during the year, he wasn't going to have it ruined by his little brother. Besides, it was only eight-thirty, and he didn't have to be up until eleven. He'd intended on sleeping as long as possible, but obviously Sam wasn't going to let that happen. Dean dragged himself from bed, pulling on his jeans. His hair stuck up in weird directions, and there was a little drool on the side of his mouth. Dean was really enjoying sleeping in.

Yanking open the door revealed Sam, still wearing the apron with Brew the Day's insignia on it.

"Jo said you need to come in, the coffee machines broken." Sam said looking frazzled, with easily half a cup of coffee spilled down the front of his apron. _Oh Holidays, how they treat us so._

"No it's not, if that's all, you can let yourself out. Lock the door behind you, Sammy!" Dean rolled his eyes, walking back to bed. "How'd you know?" His voice was filled with guilt, Sam had always been a poor liar. Jo just had guilt tripping under her belt.

"Jo's pulled the same thing the whole time we've owned the place, she hates when I take the day off during the holidays. But you know me, Scrooge at heart." Dean grinned as he pulled off his pants to get back into bed. Dean hated the bells and whistles, having froofie pumpkin coffees with their obnoxious santa hat on. But the thing he hated the most, was the snow. His car didn't fare well, even with the chains. Leaving Dean stranded some days, hoping Gabe will come pick him up. (Often crossing his fingers that Gabe doesnt have a hangover. Because that means walking. Long walk.)

"Dean we're swamped, have a heart." Dean snorted, "Sam, she's handled it by herself on Christmas eve, I think with your help she can handle today just fine. Besides, I've got a date!" He waggled his eye brows, making Sam gag slightly, putting his finger in his mouth for a show.

"You guys are even worse now than you were as kids." Bitchface 103, 'Dean's being overly sexual with his boyfriend again.' Sam as a kid was the first person to know about his sexuality, even before Castiel. Who was he supposed to have his big-gay-panic to if not his best friend/big gay crush. After hours of 'I like him but he's so obviously straight but I think I'm in love with him, Sammy tell me what to do!' The kid brother seriously did not appreciate it, but it got Dean to the ulitmate question, 'Will you go to dinner with me?' All though, Castiel was too awkward to see it wasn't just friendly until after Dean kissed him goodnight. Despite the constant _really_ bad pickup lines and general blushing coming from Dean. Luckily the next day, the door rang and Castiel was standing there, once he saw Dean he pulled him in to a long, loving kiss, Dean most definitely kissed back. They could  hear Sam yelling "get a room, Jerk!"

"Time to make up for, Sammy dearest!" Dean snaps back with a giant grin.

"Yeah well you don't have to shove your nasty sex life down my throat!", He retorts while turning around, "Don't forget, you're on the work schedule tomorrow!" When he heard the door slam shut, Dean allowed himself to slip back into sweet, sweet unconsciousness.

* * *

 

 His alarm was already beeping by the time he woke up, he was groggy and achy. Maybe it was his body telling him to stick to his schedule. But when he saw the time it scared both of his troubles right out of him. 11:43. "Shit." He got out of bed in a mess of sheets and skin. Throwing on the first shirt in his closet, he was cursing himself for going back to sleep this morning. Somewhere he blamed Sam, along the way. 

Thankfully, Prosperity House was only down the street, and Castiel was usually running late from his session. As he makes his way outside he doesn't even bother with his car, the place is a quick run and traffic is horrible with the ice and snow. Holidays, they suck. Even as a kid he hated it. Preferred to stay inside and read a fiction, not that he'd tell anyone. Only his mother knew, who always provided him a new few early Christmas presents. Books, thick and right up Dean's alley.. That was a secret him and his mother shared, not even his father knew.

While running, he doesn't even bother saying sorry as he weaves through men and woman. He's entirely lucky he doesn't accidentally knee a five year old in the face. People call after him saying to watch it, or something crude and definitely not Disney safe, but he doesn't dignify it with a response. He was far too late for that.

Half way there Dean was regretting his state of dress, jeans and a thin t-shirt with shoes (without socks) was a terrible idea with snow past your ankles and still coming. When he made it to Prosperity house, he was shivering so badly his teeth were chattering. The things he did for this man, may well kill him one of these days. Checking his watched it read 12:03.

"Thank God." He breathed, hugging himself for warmth, unable to feel his feet and many others parts of his body. He hated weather like this, with every portion of his being. Too cold to work on his baby, going into work was unbearable, and snow bothered him in more ways than one. It was cold, wet, and clung to every bit of clothing you were wearing making it impossible to get warm. Dean beant over in order to catch his breath, he really needed to start working out. Carrying coffee bags obviously wasn't enough. Even after the reserve training, before Cas had arrived in Chicago. Maybe the breathing was nerves..

"Thank God, what exactly?"

"Cas!" Dean exclaimed in surprise, looking up to see the same bright blue eyes he'd fallen for. There was a quizacle expression on his face as Dean rose to meet his gaze.

"Do I even want to know?" Dean shook his head with a giant grin on his face before Dean pulled Cas in for an short kiss. He tasted like coffee and peppermints (Considering during the meeting they powered through coffee and mints like it was water.) Whatever took Cas' mind off of using was great in Dean's book. Cas has been clean since the day they made up, all those weeks ago. It had been right before Thanksgiving. He went through a hell of withdrawal, and after Dean's thorough room search, all the drugs were gone. He'd done a much better job than Anna, but that might be because deep down Dean knows all Cas' tricks and secrets, nine years doesn't change that. Every day he seems more and more like that Cas from before the booze, and drugs.

"Dean you're freezing." Cas replied with wide eyes, Dean cold only nod, not being able to deny such a blatant fact. Cas quickly took off his jacket and scarf, wrapping them around Dean. He nodded, thankful. Maybe by the time they got back to his apartment, he'd have all his fingers and toes intact. Cas took his hand and they started walking toward the Roadhouse. One of the few places in the city that isn't covered in tinsel and santa hats. Which made it Dean's safe haven. Thankfully, Cas didn't mind, despite loving Christmas himself.

* * *

 

 Arriving, the place was quiet and peaceful. There were a few stray men, drinking away their sorrows. Like Dean had done for years. But now he was here with Castiel, and he was genuinely happy. It was like an alternate universe, like he'd slipped into another world where they finally are together again. Despite trust issues, things went well. They spent their spare time at the coffee shop, just because it felt comfortable. Level ground.

"Dean! You brought company! What's your name, son?" Ellen asked, standing in front of the two grown men. If anyone asked, she could tell countless stories about when Dean worked hear as a teenager, then adult. She'd been a surrogate mother through the years, making sure he was okay. When he wasn't, she'd take care of the issue as if she really was his mother, which Dean whole heartedly was thankful for. Without the care of Ellen, Dean wouldn't have turned out like he had.

"Castiel." He smiled shyly, as Ellen's eyes went bright.

"Castiel Novak! I've heard far too much about you. Have a seat anywhere boys." Ellen was grinning as she returned to her spot behind the bar to talk to a patron who regulared here, Dean thinks his name is Jason.

As they're sitting down, Castiel eyes Dean with a smirk on his face. "Telling bar tenders about me, are we?" Blush creeped up Dean's neck until it overflows onto his face.

"She's more like a mother, shut up." The smile on Dean's face was like beautiful music to Castiel's ears.

"You blushing is adorable, always has been." Castiel smiled, taking Dean's hand in his own. Which only made Dean blush more, but this was a blush he certainly didn't mind. Dean stroked Cas' hand with his thumb.

"So, Scrooge, what are your Christmas plans?" Cas asked with an endearing smile.

"I'll be at Ellen's with Sammy and the lot. Would you like to come? Your brother is going after all. Don't want to leave you high and dry." A grin tugged at Dean's lips.

"I'd love to come." Cas leaned across the table, kissing Dean briefly.

"Dean Winchester, no exceptions, you know the rule." Ellen groaned from the bar, making everyone look. Cas eyed him with questions written all over his face, so Dean made a quick escape with Castiel out the door, greeted by snow and crowds of people.

"What rule?" Castiel asks as they start walking.

"I'm not allowed to show affection in the bar." Dean said, slightly embarrassed.

"Why?" Castiel asked, already forming a guess.

"I used to get really drunk and hug people, especially Ellen."

"That... Is definitely not what I expected." Castiel laughs with his full body, stopping their progress. Dean's face was redder than possibly ever by the time Castiel was taking deep breaths with a giant grin on his face, leering at Dean, a most mischievous stare.

"Be good or I'll give away your Christmas present." Dean threatened with an eye roll.

"Oh, don't be mean now. What'd you get me?" Castiel's smile was bright.

"You'll just have to wait and see!"

* * *

 

"Merry Christmas, Ellen." Dean greeted at the door, kissing Ellen's cheek briefly. She smiled at Dean, kissing his forehead lovingly. He could hear talking coming from behind her as she pulled Dean into the front room. Only Sam was in this room, he nodded in Dean's direction while snagging a cookie off the table. Most everyone was in the backroom where the tree and food were, like every year. Ellen took the presents in his arms from him to stick them under the tree so he could get comfortable.

"You got here just in time, they're about to start a drinking game. Christmas carols." Sam said grabbing one last cookie before standing, "Cmon." His grin was illuminating as he walked into the next room with Dean behind him.

"Dean-o!" Gabriel exclaimed, shooting up from his seat to great Dean with a bottle of vodka in hand. Gabriel must be the judge. Jo and Dean had started playing Christmas Carols in college, but things started to get serious when they'd brought Gabriel in. He is competitive when it comes to his drinking games. The way the game goes is everyone says a line of a Christmas song, and when you mess up you drink. Judge decides if it's a mistake or not.

Dean sat in the open place on the couch, wrapping his arm around Cas. "Playing?" Dean nodded kissing Cas' ear.

"Jingle bells."

"Jingle bells."

"Jingle all the god damn way." Sam said with a grin, everyone looked to Gabe who only smiled.

"Sounds pretty damn right to me!" Ellen groaned from the kitchen. Tonight was going to be a long night. To think she took in these wayward kids by choice.

* * *

 

 "Alright, alright. I want everyones keys. Think of it as a sleepover, you drunkers." Everyone laughed as she brought a bowl and put it in the middle of everyone. Gabriel pretended to slam-dunk his keys, falling between Sam and Jo in the process. Soon enough all the keys were in the bowl and Ellen was bringing out blankets and pillows.

"Brothers next to brothers, I won't tolerate any gay sex in my living room." Ellen warned, tossing each boy a set, "Jo in the middle, separate this mess." She tossed Jo her own set, while shaking her head. Within minutes everyone was setting up on the floor. Their heads all connected in a circle on the floor, in this order; Sam, Dean, Jo, Gabriel, Cas. Dean's arm was draped over his brother in an effort to hold Castiel's hand. Thankfully Sam was out like a light, one too many fuck-ups in Silent Night, Gabriel had gotten far beyond competitive at that point, so down Sammy went.

"Merry Christmas everyone." Dean whispered while stroking Cas' hand.

"Merry Christmas." everyone said, which woke the slumbering Sam. He was groggy and confused but he was caught up to speed after a few silent moments.

"Wanna open gifts?" Dean asked with a mischievous grin, everyone shouted a chorus of yeses. Jo scrambled up to hand out the gifts, there was an equal amount for everybody sothat no on felt left out. Some boxes were bigger than others and there were big differences was the wrapping expertise. You could tell which were from Dean and Gabriel (Wrapping disaster) and which were from Jo, Sam, and Castiel. (utter perfection)

There were shreds of paper being thrown all over the room, left, right and up in the air. But no one really cared, it was Christmas; they felt like they were seven again, but instead of waking up their moms and dads excitedly, they were sitting in a surrogate mothers house drunk, opening presents that mean more to them than anything their parents had ever given them. Some of their parents barely knew them, some not at all. But they had each other, and that's all the family they needed these days. Family doesn't end with blood, and the five of them proved that every day. Even when they fought, or claimed they hated each other, they were family. Like Bobby told them all once, "Family will break your hearts and eat your food. But that's what family does."

"Dean. You shouldn't have." Castiel breathed while holding the record close to his chest, Dean knew how much he loved old records and the Smiths. So of course he had to. But instead of any words, he leaned over Sammy to kiss his boyfriend firmly on the lips.

"You're gonna get in trouble." Gabe said in a sing-song voice, which earned him a slap to the back of the head as Dean was pulling away. There was tearing of paper along with a chorus of "awws" and "thank you's" as the presents were opened. Dean stared at his before slowly ripping open the first. It was a book, Slaughterhouse 5. One of his favorites, which Jo knew. The second gift was from Gabriel, and judging by the shape he was aready terrified.

"A dildo, really?" He exclaimed, looking straight at Gabriel. Everyone was in hysterics as Dean hit Gabriel in the face with the bendy and far too long dildo. "Guys, I have a question." Dean said as he was unwrapping another gift. A small velvet box, from Sam. He knew what it was. His mothers wedding ring. He'd asked his ring size these past weeks and Sam knew his mother would have wanted Dean to have it. Slowly opening the box, there it was. The ring, albeit larger, was right there. He could remember when she'd dropped it down the sink and had taken a hammer to the pipe until it broke to retrieve it. John would have been furious if she'd lost it, but he was furious about the pipe in the end. No win situation. Dean slipped the ring on with a silent thank you, Sam nodded with a small smile.

"Why aren't you all home for Christmas?" He asked, examining the next package. The label said From Castiel. The last gift he had to open, since he'd opened the ones from Ellen and Bobby earlier in the day. A couple cassettes from Bobby, and a new sketchbook from Ellen. (Only two people in the world know about Dean's artistic talents, Cas and Ellen. All because in seventh grade when he took Art 1 he was teased right out of the room, before anyone could see what he could do.) Cas used to tell Dean he could be an artist but Dean had self doubt, even as a teenager. Though he'd submitted art to the schools art fair every year under a fake name. He was always featured, well Issac Lahey was anyway. He was most remembered for his fallen angel piece. A man stood with wings made of bones with black feathers on the ground, surrounding him. It was morbidly beautiful. He had it hanging in his bedroom, whenever someone asked where he'd gotten it, he'd only respond with, "An old friend."

"Well I go where the booze flow." Gabriel said with a smirk, before he could say anything else Cas interrupted him, "Anna said Mom was too unwell for visitors." Dean squeezed his hand slightly for support.

"Well you're my family, Dean. It's only suiting." Sam shrugged.

Everyone turned to Jo, "It's my house, assholes." Which earned a laugh from everyone.

"I love you guys." Dean said quietly. Everyone echoed, "Love you too."

"Wanna play truth or dare?" Jo asked, which made Dean snort. They'd played this game all through college, once landing Dean in lock up waiting for Ellen to bail him out. That was a long, half drunken stay. He could vividly remember someone standing in the corner talking to themself, while someone else jerked off without a care in the world. One weird night.

"Dean first, truth or dare?" Jo asked, sitting up to look at Dean who was contemplating his choice.

"Dare."

"I dare you to show everyone your tattoo!" This made everyones eyes widen, only Jo knows about his tattoo. They'd gone into a slightly shady shop when they were nineteen and each got a tattoo at eleven oclock at night. Jo's tattoo was a butterfly with the words Hope Sparks, because as a kid she'd gone to a counselling center named Hope Sparks, and she swears it saved her life. Dean has never told anyone the actual meaning of his tattoo. He's been planning on getting another, in the memory of his mother. But for now, he only has the one on his left ribs. Dean groaned as he stood up while taking his shirt off. He'd designed the tattoo himself, unbeknownst to Jo. It was a cassette with all the film ripped out, with the words "Nothing Really Ends, Does it?" with "Childhood" written on the cassette. He'd been slightly drunk when he'd drawn the original but it still came out beautifully. Everyone was in aw, because it truly was amazing.

"What does it mean?" Castiel asked, staring at the tattoo, and shamelessly glancing over his torso.

"Means my childhood was ruined but theres always tomorrow."

 


	12. Red Solo Cups and Virgins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party like its 1999!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERES THE TATTOOOO! Please don't steal it, I've been planning to get this tattoo for a long time.  
> I'm really hoping this will be finished by the end of Summer. This month things are going to be getting crazy, with school prep (Mountains of appointments, paperwork, and evaluations.) Along with getting everything I need. Also, I'm participating in GishWhes! So I may not update that week. Hopefully though, I'll get this done. If not during the summer, I'll still update during school. 
> 
> Much Love, Alex.

 

"I don't understand why youn need cups, Dean. You have plent at home." Castiel said as he examined the shopping list. Flipping through it as Dean got the cart from the endless rack of carts. The grocery store was relatively small considering it wasn't a chain, and it was in Dean's side of the city, a lot of people called it the ghetto side of Chicago, but he didn't care. He loved where he lived and the people he met along the way. Like MIsses Aldo, when he'd originally arrived to Chicago, he had no plan. Not enough money for a place to stay, he slept on park benches, spent what money he had on food until it was all gone. By the time Misses Aldo found him he was an exhausted, starved, seventeen year old boy. She'd helped him as much as possible, helped him get the job at the Roadhouse, set up places he could stay until he was on his feet again. Couch surfing was much better that park benches. It was how so many people in this area knew Dean. He'd gone to college, and during that time he'd started volunteering on projects around the city. They were mostly around the place he lived. Putting in a playground for the kids, fixing things for people, and being a generally good role model. Then when his business blossomed he met even more people in the process, making him well known in both parts of the city. It was so different from Kansas, like a breath of fresh air on a winter night.

"Because every party needs red Solo cups, it screams party. You should know, Mr. I can drink eight bear in twenty minutes." Castiel blushed like a virgin. Dean didn't understand why virgins were in such high demand, he liked a woman-or man- with experience. That's all the fun. Knowing exactly what'll drive someone crazy.  
  
"Now, get in the cart!" Dean said as his smiled beemed, almost like it was lighting up the room. Castiel stared at him, slightly apalled with humor in his deep blue eyes.  
  
"We're not fifteen anymore!" He exclaimed, but there was a hint of a smile on his face as he rolled his eyes dramatically. Dean kissed his cheek before climbing into the cart. It was definitely not built for grown men, but with Castiel he was always that seventeen boy with a heart of gold and devious plans. He always loved trouble. When Castiel molded into his life once again, he became someone his friends rarely saw, and it was beautiful. Castiel fit right into their tight little group, despite spending most ofhis spare time with Dean. Jo adored him, and Sam had loved him from the start. Gabe was required to love him, acording to him. Dean loved him with every bit of his soul, and that would never stop. Nine years apart didn't do a thing, nothing could tear them apart at this point.

"If you're going to be a spoil sport, I'll do it!" He said with a smirk, Castiel laughed, throwing his head back in a full body laugh. It was like music to his ears, as he setled rather awkwardly in the cart, in the right position to watch Cas, who was flipping through the long list that Jo had written out for them. Apparently for a New Years party you need more than beer and chips. Jo liked to go all out for parties, and that's why their apartment in college was literally a legend because of the killer parties that went on there, despite the small size.

"You're awful." Cas said while trying to keep a straight face, but the crinkles by his eyes and the corners of his lips told a whole other story.

"Oh really? Am I your bad boy?" Dean asked with a seductive tone, winking at Castiel which made him smile as he looked right at Dean.

"Yes you are, go to the quiet corner." He said smirking, which made Dean pout. But then he gained a mischievious smile. He pulled on Castiel's tie, pulling him closer to Dean so he could kiss him. It was long and soft, filled with love. Castiel's lips were chapped but soft, Dean tasted like sweets and whiskey on a Saturday night. When they pulled away they were both smiling as if they'd won the lottery and were going to Vegas.

"I love you." Castiel said staring at Dean. They were inches apart. Noses nearly touching. Castiel could see every freckle on Dean's face, despite his constant attempt to hide them, which Cas didn't understand. They were part of him, and to Cas he was perfect in everyway.

"I know." Dean said, his heart beating faster than his car could ever go, "I love you too." Dean pulled Castiel close to him again but instead of a soft kiss, it was rushed and needy. The "I want you and every part of you." needy. Deans hands were sliding down Cas' sides, until he reached the hem, then he slipped his hands under Castiel's shirt. His skin was soft and Dean could feel Cas' muscles as he slid up and down his sides down to his hips.

"Car?" Castiel asked with grin on his face, and lust in his eyes.

"Car." He agreed, they abandoned their shopping cart and made a quick exit, hand in hand. Getting into the impala as quickly as possible, they fell into the back seat, tangled together. Their lips met fast and messy. Clothes were being pulled off, thrown in every directions, draping the car in shirts and socks.

Cas examined Dean's body. It was more scarred than he remembered. His back being the worst. Slight burn on Dean's chest, but hundreds of wide scars from the glass were still highly visable after all this time. You'd think he was in a car wreck. Dean grew self concious. But Cas dragged his hands down his back, and kissed his chest softly, down to his stomach.

"You're still beautiful." Dean leaned in to Castiel and whispered, "I'll always love you." He wrapped his arms around Cas' waist, nearly chest to chest. "And I, You."

And with that, the windows started to fog, with a handprint dragging down as the car rocked slowly.  
\----  
Walking back into the store, they couldn't help grin, with an all knowing look. Dean got into the cart once again without any questions. Pulling out the list he gave it a once over as Cas was pushing the cart into the store. People gave them looks that said "Did they just have sex?" but they only smiled and kept moving.

"What's first?" Cas asked walking past aisles as Dean tried to figure out which was closest and what was furthest.

"Alchohol, aisle nineteen. Keep going I'll tell you when to turn." Dean said looking up from the notepad with Jo's ultimate item list. She had said, "If you come home without the complete list, I'll personally cut off your nutsack." Which made both the mens eyes go wide, never mess with Jo when she's stressed. She always puts on the party on New Years, one upping herself every year. People around their friend group wait all year for this party. But behind the scenes Jo is like a bridezilla, party edition.

"Here!" Dean said, Cas turned the cart to see the endless rows of booze.

"Okay, we need two cases of beer, vodka, rum, and whiskey." Dean said pointing everything out, not wanting to get out of the cart. Cas collected things without question, and when he returned to pushing the cart, Dean pulled him in for a quick kiss, which they both smiled through.

"Chips." Dean said with a giant smile plastered on his face before spacing out.

"Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep. I'm tired and dying, I want to go to bed." He sang softly, barely audible. It made Cas smile, it was his favorite song.

"I thought you were a classic rock man?" Cas asked tossing the chips in Dean's lap.

"I'm a man of all flavors, baby." Cas didn't know that song was practically his theme song for years. After you've had a taste of true love, theres nothing that can fill that hole.  
\-------

"That took you both hours! What the hell were you doing?" Jo asked pissed off. Dean tried to hide his smirk behind his poker face. Castiel hurried off into the other room of Dean's apartment knowing he would never survive Jo's crackdown. If she found out they wasted time having sex, she'd cut off more than their nutsacks.

"We got lost Jo, chill out. Party Nazi." Dean said rolling his eyes dramatically, knowing it would piss Jo off even further. Dean was an expert as pissing Jo off, and he'd decided his New Years resolution is to piss Jo off tonight.

"You're an ass, Winchester. Go help Kevin with the food. And tell your boyfriend to come out and help me clean this pighole." Jo snapped, shooing him off into the kitchen. His apartment wasn't that messy, sure it had a few messes but a pighole? No way.

"Cas! The witch needs you!" Dean yelled as he walked into the kitchen, to find Kevin looking frantic as ever. He was the youngest of them all, measly twenty-one. They'd met when crashing another college party. Kevin was drunk beyond return so they brought him home like a lost puppy. He was apart of the close knit family ever since. It was heartbreaking when he said he had to go home to Illinois for Christmas. But his return was like a piece in everyones heart.  
  
"Kevin! Missed you man." Dean said with a grin, giving him a half hug. "You too, help me? I can't cook anything but boiled hot dogs." Kevin said with a frown. The guy lived off college-prepared food. Meaning anything thats quick and can be made in the common area. So whenever he came to Dean's, Dean went all out cooking the poor guy a home cooked meal. Dean won't deny he likes cooking, and since he's the best of the lot, no ones complaining, or mocking. Not even Gabriel, because that would mean being cut off from the ever revolving kitchen-o-Dean. Even when he wasn't taking care of himself, he was a stellar cook.

"Get outta' here then, I'll do it. What am I making?" Dean asked with a cocky grin on his face. He knew he could do it better than anyone else.

"Cake. Jo said she'll decorate, so you don't have to worry. I'll go help clean so she doesn't go bitchy on me." Kevin said with a quick smile as he slid out of the kitchen leaving Dean to his kitchen.

\----  
  
"Hand me a beer, brother?" Benny asked motioning towards the fridge where Dean stood. His apartment was flooded with people, so he was people watching, not feeling drunk enough to participate much. There was loud music blasting from Dean's stereo, something pop and unappealing. He could barely think without Selena Gomez assualting his ear drums, though she was hot so he won't complain.

Dean nodded, grabbing a beer to hand to Benny, "How's life been?" Dean asked, making small talk.

"Great! I'm about to get married." Benny said with a giant grin on his face. Dean never thought that would hit him as hard as it did. Dean wanted to marry Cas. Dean wanted to have kids with Cas. Dean wanted to grow old with Cas. Dean wanted to be young with Cas. Dean wanted Cas, forever and ever.

"That's great man, hey I've gotta talk to someone. Later?" Benny nodded, so Dean went into the crowd of people in search for Cas. Checking every person that even slightly resembled Cas. That's when it hit him. The bedroom. It was locked off from everyone, but Cas had a key.

Dean opened the door with the key that hung around his neck. There he was.

"Ten!"

"Cas, I've got something to tell you."

"Nine!"

"What, Dean?"

"Eight!"

"Cas I love you, and want to spend my life with you?"

"Seven!"

"Aren't you taking this a little fast?"  
  
"Six!"

"Definitely, but it's you. It's always been you."

"Five!"

"Really?"

"Four!"

"Yes."

"Three!"

"I love you too, and want to be with you. Forever."  
  
"Two!"

"That's that."  
  
"One!"

They kissed.


	13. Come back to bed, babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never answer the phone during foreplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hurt so much to write. not much talking, a lot of self realization.
> 
> The song is Hide Away by Hilary Duff
> 
> I WROTE THE FOREPLAY HAYAYAYAY!

"Dean you can't work on your birthday!" Jo exclaimed at 4am, she'd gone to open up the shop thinking he'd be taking the day off. It isn't your twenty-seventh birthday everyday. But Dean certainly disagreed as he slid behind the counter to clean the machines in a sleepy haze. He'd barely slept the night before, thanks to his oaf a neighbor hammering into their shared wall all hours of the night, and to be honest he'd rather be with Cas. But since he wasn't answering his calls, he'll work if he wants to! (Though Cas isn't one that likes to be woken up before dawn itself.) It's better than sitting at home by himself, dwelling on his losses over these past few years. He knew the party at the bar tonight would perk him right back up, but for now all Dean needed was a distraction. Maybe this was his "I'm getting old" crisis. Even though twenty seven isn't old at all. Thirty is when the crisis should start, he's got three years for that mess.

Though this hang over was getting the best of him. Pre-birthday drinking, Gabe called it. But then again Gabe was full of stupid ideas. The night before he was saying that since his birthday's on a Friday it should turn into a birthday weekend. That was shot down immediately. He can't handle a weekends worth of hang overs. His plan to get through today was to slip some whiskey into each coffee he drinks. They always say, can't have a hangover if you're still drunk. This meant no counter work for Dean today, cleaning and moving inventory in the back. But he wasn't going to recover from a hangover just to get another. May not be professional, but he wasn't going for employee of the month. That was usually Sam anyway. Democratic process. No one in their right mind would give it to either Jo or Dean. (Not even Dean or Jo!) At least Sam does what's in his job description.

Holiday season was over, and he was happy to finally be tearing down all the tinsel and Happy Holidays signs. He would have done it right when the holidays ended, but people said it lifted the mood. By the end of January he was tired of it, and was on the verge of finding a burn barrell and setting it all on fire. The only thing that stopped him was that he'd have to buy more next year. That and not wanting to get arrested for illegally burning Christmas decorations. That'd be a pretty weird criminal record.

By the time seven oclock rolled around Dean had a slight buzz going, even though it wasn't obvious to customers, it was obvious to Jo. Thank god he wasn't the guy who stands on the table screaming lyrics to a song no ones heard. Just a big teddy bear. When Gabe came into the shop with his hangover shades on, he stared at Dean as if he were a pod replacement of the real Dean.

"Dude. What's with you?" He asked as he went up to the counter, strongest coffee they even made (Usually only hung over CEO's even dared to drink it. Tastes like dirt through a straigner.) and three chocolate cookies. Breakfast for kings. No wonder the guys growth was stunted, ordering things like that. Compared to Dean he looked like a twelve year old boy looking for his mother. Not Dean's fault he was blessed with good genes, he'd say.

"He's still drunk." Jo whispered across the counter with a giant knowing grin on her face. They both glanced at Dean who's wiping up tables, stumbling every few steps with a stupid grin plastered on his face. He made a drunk-beeline to the stereo and turned it up smiling.

"My Mom loved this chick!" Hilary Duff filled the quiet store, which made both Dean and Jo smile. Jo could remember as a teenager being obsessed with her, she'd been her first concert. Her Mom had gotten them both tickets up close, perfect first concert in Jo's book. She still had the t-shirt, which surprisingly still fit, and the fake-stage pass that she wore proudly feeling on top of the world. Knowing every word to every song, screaming her name next to two girls both named Emma.

Dean could remember his mom popping in a mix CD while it was just her, and the boys at home. They'd dance in the kitchen, mostly her and Dean while Sam would watch or film them, claiming he had two left feet. Which was very true. So Dean would twist and twirl his mother around the kitchen which was filled with laughter and love. If anyone asked as a teenager, he'd flat out deny the fact that he danced with his mother. But now it was one of his most treasured memories. Sam still had tapes, actual tapes, of them dancing or other secret moments they hid from their father. Like when Dean would help his mother in the garden, or Dean dragging his guitar out so that Sam and his mother could dance to what he called real music.

"Guys, do you know what I really wanted to do as a teenager?" Dean said with a sloppy grin as Sam walked in the door. Sam looked him over once before deciding that figuring out what was up with him this morning just wasn't worth his time.

"What? Shitfaced drunk at work?" Jo asked with a smirk as Dean pulled out his flask taking a long gulp, since no customers were in. "Jo it's called pre-drunk." He said with a dramatic eye roll.

"Anyway, I wanted to be a musician." He said matter-o-factly. That caught Sam's attention.

"Yeah! You sent in that application and everything. You got in, they sent the letter after you left. Dad kind of---" Sam made an explosion noise along with hand movements. Dean's jaw dropped along with everyone elses.

"I got in?" He asked with a hint of a smile in his voice, obviously not upset about not going. But happy that he'd even gotten in. Dean, against his fathers wishes, applied to Juliard. It had been his dream for such a long time, but when he left home he knew it wouldn't come true. Knowing it could of been possible was enough for Dean.

"Yeah, you did." Sam said with a grin. That made Dean errupt into happiness. It didn't matter that he never went, or his dreams didn't come true. He had a great life without Juliard. Dean knows what would have happened if he'd gone to Juliard. He wouldn't have come out, so he would have lost Cas for good. He would have gotten in a degree in something he loved, but he wouldn't have the family he has now, people who love and care for him. He'd be a lonely, broke, musician. Not an in love, happy, business man.

Dean hugged each and every one of them, showing just how drunk he was. Then he burst out singing along to the song, which fit the mood fairly well. _Hide Away_. One of his mothers favorites. She would tell her boys to never hide away themselves or their talents, that they were beautiful, amazing individuals who truly mattered. No matter what someone told them, they were perfect as they were. Never change because someone told you that you were worthless. That was more so directed to Dean, they never broke eye contact while she was telling her boys this. One of the most important things someone has ever told Dean. It's something he lives by to this day. He won't change because someone doesn't like who he is. That's a partial reason he wrote his name in cement during college. He'd been told that he was he was a fake man in a leather jacket that would never be rememebered, a nobody. Then he came upon wet cement and decided he'd always be remembered. Impulsive decision, but he didn't regret it.

As the day went on, Dean's self esteem soared. Like the music triggered everything his mother told him. That he was a great man. No matter how much bad he did, he was kind at heart. That his father had no control over his life anymore. He was a person who can control his whole life, no one can stop him. That realization was overwhleming. He stood in the busy shop, absolutely still. No one bothered him, just weaved around him for a seat with their coffee and sweets in hand. While Jo worked she occasionally glanced at him. She didn't interupt, he obviously is figuring something out. Why ruin his train of thought.

  
Towards the end of the day he was more into his job. Cleaning and utting up the chairs to mop. Sam walked in with a grin on his face.

"Ready to party, man?" He asked excitedly, arms in the air,

A grin appeared on Dean's face facing Sam.

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

 

Walking into Gabriel's bar was loud and a fun atmosphere, then he spotted him. Messy sex hair, backwards tie over a grey t-shirt and stone washed jeans. He could never miss him. Even in a crowded bar full of people. Dean walked up behind Castiel and put him hands over Cas' eyes.

Dean disguised his voice, "Can I get a kiss?"

Cas was frustrated, "I have a boyfriend." He said firmly. Cas turned around and saw Dean with a goofy grin. "I don't think you're boyfriend would mind." He winked before kissing Castiel softly.

"You're so smashed, Dean." Cas said while laughing as Dean used Cas for slight support. Maybe pre-drinking was a bad idea. Everything was slightly tilted, but he imagined he was walking on a plank. Straight and careful until he flopped into a booth. Cas crawled in so that Dean's head was on his lap. Cas played with Dean's hair softly while Dea laid down tryig to reconnect to reality.

"I love you, so much." Dean whispered as he took Cas' freehand and entangled it with his own. Cas smiled and brushed his thumb over Dean's cheek.

"I love you too, smashed or not." He laughed, leaning down and kissing Dean softly. He tasted like whiskey and cofee, and his smile was infectious. Dean was proud of Cas, being able to be in a bar without breaking. He had his rock, Dean. They were made for each other. Easily. Dean sat up so he could properly kiss Castiel. Barely breaks for breaths. Slow, loving, and long.

"Birthday boy! Blow out the candles!" Gabe shouted while holding an apple pie with twenty seven candles stuck in it. It looked pretty messy but it made Dean smile brightly. He took a big breath and blew out all the candles in one go.

_Be with Cas forever_

"That means whatever you wished for will come true, Dean." Castiel whispered in his ear, with a slight growl.

"What if my wish was you in my bed?" Dean whispered while softly pulling on the hem of Castiel's shirt.

"Then birthday boys wish is coming true." He said with a wink.

* * *

 

Dean was pulling off his shirt while on top on Castiel, who was already undressed aside his boxers. His body was screeching for Castiel. His shirt was thrown in a random directionn along with his pants.

Dean started kissing from Castiel's stomach, all the way to his neck. Each kiss long and seductive. When Dean kissed right before his chin he moaned softly, dragging his hands along his back and sides. Dean kept kissing there, sucking and leaving a hickey, until his cell phone rang.

"Ignore it." Cas groaned, but Dean got up and answered the cell phone nervously.

"Hello?"

"You are to be deployed January 21 to Iraq, do you understand this message?" Dean could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. His contract was supposed to end soon, then be full time bsuiness man. He'd have Cas and his new and true family. He could have a stupid house in the suburds, hopefully one day a family of their own.

"Yes, Sir."

"Come to the base the day of your deployments and you will recive further instructions. Thank you." The line went dead, like Deans heart.

"Baaabe, come back to bed." Cas moaned reaching for Dean. He put the phone down and just sat next to Castiel. The phone call was enough to sober him to a terrible reality.

"What's wrong?" Castiel asked getting up to sit next to Dean, taking ihs hand to show support. Tears were streaming down his face, slow and uneven.

"I'm being deployed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Appreciate my intoxicated heartbreak
> 
> "Write drunk, Edit Sober."


	14. Goodbye Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean completes his week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fdghjkdsmdbjnsn ahhhhh no i hated this no stop  
> anyway I found a REAL house that I chose for their house, so you can picture it. ox  
> Goodbye Dean.  
> http://www.circlepix.com/tour/Nitro/loadingPage.htm?tourId=1576729#

 

  
"What?" Castiel asked, mouth going dry and anxiety soaring high.

"One week." Dean whispered, turning to face Castiel. He pulled Castiel close to him, holding him softly. He could hear Cas' whimpers grow quieter and quieter. Dean slid his mothers wedding ring off his finger and slid it onto Castiel's left ring finger, whispering "Keep it safe for me. That only made Castiel cry more, but it was a necessary gesture. As they were falling asleep Dean thought to himself, he had a lot of work to do, and only one week to complete it all.  
  
Let the race begin.

* * *

 

"What do you mean you bought a house!" Jo shouted in the backroom, trying to get things as organized as possible since she won't have Dean here to help. They had a help wanted sign up, which broke everyones hearts each time they saw it. A reminder Dean wasn't going to be here for a long time. Fifteen months. Limited comunication, mostly letters with the occasional skype.

"Let me explain, jesus, Jo!" Dean shouted back, which relaxed Jo's demeanor.

"Why pay rent for a place I won't be in for over year, so I thought why not buy a house? That way you guys all have a place to go and I can keep my shit there. Easy!" He said with a giant grin. Jo had a raised eye brow, not entirely behind the idea, but she wasn't going to pick a fight so close to his departure. Four days left. He'd spent the last three at home with Cas, not even bothering to call in. He'd told them all the morning after, no one expected him to go to work. No one really expected anything from him.

"Your money, man." Jo said, giving up the argument, "Where is it?"

"Riverside, nice place actually. Three beds, two baths, built before Ellen was even an idea." He had a cocky smirk on his face that made Jo smack him in the arm playfully.

"Use my savings to buy whatever you need for that place, I'm not coming home to a mattress on the floor. Understand me?" Dean said firmly with a stiff smile on his face. Dean and Cas had opened a shared savings account, despite Cas saying that he refused to use it. But he doesn't know about the house. That was a surprise.

"Yes, Sir!" She said with a mocking salute.

"At ease, spender!" Dean laughed as he followed Jo out to the main area of the shop, Sam behind the counter, getting better and better everyday. At this point he can be behind the counter by himself during slower times of the day, like now.

"Sammy, I have a house!" He said excitedly, while Sam's eyes buldged, nearly dropping the customers coffee.

"That's..Unexpected. Suburbs or city?" He asked trying to cover up his stutter.

"Subs! Away from all the crazy, but still close enough to work." Dean grinned, truly proud. Sure he'd miss his apartment, it was his home for a long time. But now it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Dean was planning to ask Cas to move in with him when he shows him the house later today. Cas would have a place of his own while Dean was away. Dean couldn't help but imagine all the possibilities. Happy life in a pretty house with the love of his life. What could go wrong?

"Want to see a picture?" Dean asked, taking a folded up piece of picture out of his back pocket. The picture showed a white house with a chimney and beautiful windows. A small yard, and a backyard connecting to a park. It was perfect.

"Move in day is after I leave but they said I'm welcome to come see it today with Cas." Dean grinned. Since he'd been told he was to be deployed, he tried to be upbeat and happy. Trying to leave a good last impression. But deep down he was terrified they'd move on and replace him, like a lost dog.

"Then get out of here!" Jo said, playfully pushing him toward the door, Dean waved to both of them before leaving, passing the Help Wanted sign. Everything in him wanted to throw it as far as he can. But he knew they needed help without Dean there. Sam has school work to do, Jo can't handle it on her own for over a year. He had to be replaced.

Dean got into his car, trying to make himself happy but there was still an undertone of pain and unhappiness. He was scheduled to talk to a counselor tomorrow, last minute to work through the process of being deployed. Apparently many soldiers did this, it is a huge change in your life. Sometimes you need help.

When he arrived at Gabe and Castiel's apartment, standing infront of the door gave him a sense of anxiety. What if he says no? His chest became tight as he tried to breathe ans he wrapped his hand on the door.

"Hi." He said with a small adorable smile, Cas only leaned in and kissed him sofly and Dean pulled him out of the apartment, eventually landing in the car, hand entangled and he sat behind the wheel for the semi long journey to Riverside, thirty minutes. Each eacond was like a bomb waiting to explode, and he could't stop the panic in himself. The only thing keeping him sane was Cas' hand in his.

  
"Close you're eyes." Dean said softly as he pulled into a parkway infront of their beautiful house. Dean walked around the car to help blinded man out and around the car. When they both stood in the grass pointing towards the house, Dean took a leep of faith.

"Open your eyes, angel." after a few seconds he let out a gasp.

"Will you move in with me, Castiel Novak?"

"God, Absoloutely." He said, hugging him tight, never letting go.

* * *

 

  
The banner read "Be Home Soon, Dean." as he entered the bar. The night before he leaves. Not getting getting drunk before entering a army base. Castiel planned to get as drunk as possible (Gabriel was careful with him, safe.), so he could pretend Dean isn't leaving for over a year. That's too long. They alread were apart nine years, why more.

The drinks were flowing like a blur, Gabe behind the counter. Only actualy friends were here, people who cared he'd be gone. Before they'd gotten to the party, Cas slipped a necklace over his neck, saying it would protect him. It glowed, called angels grace. A beautiful scientific discovery.  
  
Gabe pulled Dean into a tight hug over the bar, whispering in his ear, "Be careful, brother." Dean nodded stiffly, when Jo pulled him away to dance, his hand on her hip hand in hand. "Dean Winchester you be better come home." She said with tears suddenly pouring down her face. He pulled her into a tight hig, "Jo, I'm invincible." When she managed to stop crying she let Dean go. He navigated towards with Cas, who was moderatey drunk.

"Don't leave, Dean, I can't do this without you." He mumbled as Dean got him into a booth.

"You're strong Cas. I know you can do this."

* * *

 

This was it. Other soldiers were saying their goodbyes around him. He had his friends and lover infont of him. They all hugged him softly, whispering goodbye with tears streaming down their faces. Men and women. He stood infront of Cas, holding him softly, "I love you, Castiel.

"And I you, Dean Winchester." They kissed so deeply that they couldn't think straight.

"Be Home soon, Dean." He whispered. Dean simply nodded as he turned away walking into the base. He looked back.


	15. Time Ticks Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time away is hard

 

The plane ride was terrible. No hand to hold, telling me everything will be okay. They land mid Iraq. Completely armed armed and ready. Mission was to recover a missle. HUT.

* * *

Moving the furniture in felt ghostly. Like he was here by mind checking out the choices. Most of it was decided by Jo, since her style sense is much better. But their bedroom was only Cas. He chose the room that was awkwardly built. A bed in the middle of the room with a small corner on the side with Dean's things since he liked the left side of the bed. Then a small table on Castiel's side for a lamp so he can read before bed, then across the room his his drawers. There's a buitiful square window on Dean's side, and Cas hung a few fieces of art so it felt less...Empty. There rest of the house is Jo's style, he doesn't mind any of it.

At bed at night, this king bed felt like an island in the middle of the ocean, and Dean was no where to be found. No book or magazine could save him, so he decided he needed to see a therapist.He heldDean's mothers ring so tight it left imprints on his hands, but he didn't care. It had only been a few weeks and he was already losing it.

* * *

 

"Hey!" Dean exclaimed on on the computer.  
  
"Dean! You have no idea how much I've missed you." Cas said quiety, a slight sob escaped his lips.

"Baby, baby don't cry. I'm okay, it's only fourteen months left baby. You can can do it." He flashed a gorgeous smile . "I've got to go, I'm sorry. I love y-" The connection cut. Cas sat with his laptop in his lap. He couldn't help but cry into Dean's favorite t-shirt. He didn't know that Dean was holding back his own tears, like many other men here. Seeing your family is much harder than letters. The men pass around their letters and photos comparing their loved ones. When Dean revealed he was gay his unit didn't care much since he saved many of their asses one or twice, some of them even said Cas is a good catch, which made Dean smile because It was very true.

His troop was ordered to eliminated a threat. He continued.

* * *

 

"What's you're expierience working in a coffee shop?" Jo asked, staring at the man with glaring eyes.

"Uhm, I make coffee in the morning?" Joh signhed, "We'll contact you if we make a decision. They still hadn't found a replacement for Dean. No one quiete fits in the counter area. Sam works mor hours trying to help Jo. They had to shorted thier hours because Jo was burning out.

* * *

 

_Dear Ash._  
 _Man don't be an idiot! Just ask her out, she definitely likes you, she does that weird swashy when she comes in a room you're in.Be happy you've got a gay man on your side. Trust me,guys are harder to read I mean Cas just acted like himself and I melted. Anyway just ask her out to that vegan place that she likes, and DON'T COMPLAIN, bad idea. Pretend it's delicious then puke it up in the bathroom. Seriously._  
 _Peace and Sanity,_  
 _Dean._

* * *

  
"Hey Ash, want your ususal?" Jo asked while reaching for the chocolate syrup.

"Yeah that's great but, Jo would you like go to dinner with me? Like a date?"

Jo stared at him for a minute with a shocked but happy look on her face, "Yes!"

* * *

 

_Dear Dean,_  
 _So, I'm kinda having a big gay panic and its weird without you to talk to, so I'l writing it. I think I like Gabriel? It's weird! He's tiny and crazy but he's fun and happy and makes me smile. What do I do? I know hes far from straight but still._  
 _Love,_  
 _Sam_

* * *

Castiel held the bottle, filled with pills that would make it feel everything feel better. 13 months is a long time. One pill and he'd feel happier, three pill and he wouln't even remember that Dean's gone, he'd think he'd come through the door with groceries and give him a kiss like honey I'm home.

But then he saw the picture on the mantle. It was of Dean and himself on a boardwalk at night. It had been beautiful. They'd dragged their feet in the water, and strange fish nipped at them.

He flushed the pills.

* * *

 

_Dude. Gabe and Sam randomly started making out in the shop today. Out of no where! First the were talking about the coffee then BOOM! I've started dating Ash, Finally! I've beeen waiting for him to catch on since we freaking met! I'm pretty happy, but everyone misses you, especially Cas. We love you._  
 _xo, Jo._

* * *

"Hey guys!" Dean said excitedly, this time it was Cas, Sam, Jo and Ash all cramed into the screen, they all replied with a variation of hello, Dean's face look like he'd just won the lottery.

  
"We miss you Dean!" Jo called out, her cheek pressed against Ash's cheek, which was probably more for themselves than space issues..  
  
"I love you, Dean." Cas said firmly, not wanting Dean to miss his love.

"And I love you."

"Hows hows Iraq?" Sam asked innocently.

"Hot. So hot." Dean couldnt wait for winter, it wait for winter, twelve months left until he was home in the US. He missed the crazy windstorms and the horrible power outs sitting in the dark blaming each other for the powerout until the power comes back on. He missed the cold air, and not inhaling sand no matter what you do.

"Your beds ready for you." Cas saireading towards the computer, Dean did the same, saying their goodbyes. "It better be." He winked and then the screen went black, which made all their hearts sink. Twelve months left.

* * *

 

"Happy birthday Sammy." Cean said quietly. This time it ws only Sam, this was the best birthday present he could as for.  
  
"So how're things going with Gabe?" He asked as he related into th chair dispite it being extremely uncomforable.

"Pretty pretty actually." Sam smiled, a giant genuine smile. One he hadn't seen in a long time, despite the photos and skyping. He actually smiled. This kicked Dean into big brother bother, being a little more protective of the things Gabe does, like making sre his stunts dont kind him killed.

"I love you Sammy," Dean said with a sad smile, knowing his time was up.Sam got his I love you in right before the timer clicked.


	16. May the Fourth Be With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May the Fourth be with You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I created an 8tracks for this story! Wooo! Hopefully it will soothe your heart break.
> 
> http://8tracks.com/profoundlyinlove/be-home-soon-dean

  
Everyone was gathered at the house, celebrating the fourth of July. Being midafternoon, not muhc was happening besides games outside and food, oh the food. Who knew Joanna Beth knew her way around the kitchen. They've all been banned from sandwhich jokes or she'll light a firecracker in their assses. Gabriel was out finding the nearest Indian reservation, or anywhere selling illegal fireworks with Kevin in tow, while Ash and Charlie compared programming in the dining room while Sam stared in geek-aww. Castiel was alone outside, laying on the grass staring up at the sky, watching the clouds. As each one passed by, he named what they were outloud. He could rememeber long summer afternoons spent like this as a teenager, too old to sit around doing nothing, too young to transport themselves. So Dean would walk to Castiel's house every day, and they'd just watch the clouds. They did other things, of course, but this was Castiel's favorite thing to do. He couldn't help but wonder if Dean could see the same clouds right now.

Things were relatively calm around the house, Cas could hear Jo singing in the kitchen while Ash argued his set up was far superior to Charlies. Personally Cas found Ash' set up to be entirely too clutered and made less sense than the president in a I Hate America advert.

"Cat, Dragon, Drums." Castiel droned on as someone laid down next to him. Sam.

"Hey Cas." He greeted.

"Hey."

"I remember you guys doing this for hours, my mom used to think you both were on drugs so she went and bought a piss test from the pharmacy." That made both the men laugh.

"I miss him." Sam said sadly.

"Yeah, so do I." He replied longfully.

* * *

 

"All in." Dean smirked, pushing in all his ciggarettes. He didn't even smoke, but he sure did love winning. At the end of the night he'd most of them to Benny, who'd deal them like crack to meth heads. He'd keep the rest for the next night of poker. Couldn't sit out a round before going mad from boredom. There isn't much you can do in the middle of no where.

They were all camped out in the middle of the desert, doing God knows what. It was on a need to know basis, and according to the guy in charge, Dean was "nothing but a grunt, worth nothing but the sand in his shoes." A simple no would have sufficed but no dice.

"Read em' and weep, ladies." Dean said smugly, showing his cards, Royal flush. He'd just wiped out the other seven men. "You cheat, Winchester." Adam groaned, tossing him the ciggs.

"Nah, this is just unabridged talent." He did two mini bows towards the other men, who groaned while pelting him with cards and ciggs. "You just wish you were this good!" He called out as they grumbled and walked away towards their tents. If he were home right now, he knew he'd with the gangs, trying set off a banger-wang near whoever fell asleep first. The loudest firework known to man, well the loudest that wasn't going to blow your hand off in the process. No doubt drunk, who doesn't get wasted on the fourth of July? Now that they were overseas, it was just another day. Though one idiot thought it be funny to set off a flare a few miles back before they set up camp. It could of gotten them all killed. They're lucky they're not dead in the first place.

* * *

 

"Honey I'm home, and I've brought toys Big, big toys!" Gabriel called deviously into the house, arms filled with boxes of fireworks of all different sizes. Jo came into the room and gaped, "Jesus Gabe, that's enough for the whole neighborhood!" She shouted.

"Oh this? Sweetie this is nothing." He grinned, which only worried them more.

Everyone crowded around Gabe's trunk with the same expression. 'Holy shit.' His trunk was literally filled to the top, it was a wonder that it even shut.

"I got the pops."Kevin said quietly, holding a plastic grocery bag filled with boxes of pops. Every year, they pour them all into a giant pile and jump on as many as possible before setting off real fireworks.

"God I need a drink." Jo groaned, walking back into the house with Cas in tow. He sat up on the free counter as she adjusted the oven tempature for the next thing she was going to make. She had to keep cooking because everything she made was gone before the next was even finished. Men and their never ending stomachs, she grumbled.

"Cas, be a dear and grab two wine glasses for me?" Jo asked, gesturing to the cuboard behind his head. He nodded opening and grabbing the first two wine glasses he saw. They were from Dean's old apartment, chipped and worn from use over the years.

Jo poured them both a glass of wine, he nodded thank you as they both drank.

"Cas, I don't think I could do what you're doing."

"I didn't think I could either, but then I realized, it's Dean. I can do anything for him." Cas mumbled, taking a long drink.

"See if Ash was as sweet as you two, I'd be worried he was a girl. But I donno', it works for you two. He's my best friend, I love the guy, despite the stupid shit he pulls." Jo smirked, pouring herself more wine. "I love you too for the record." She added with a smile.

"Love you too, Jo."

* * *

Dean was sharing the already small tent with two other men. Garth, who was a little strange but in the lovable sense, and Benny. He was from Louisianna and had a girl back home named Elisabeth, and Garth was on his own except for a few good friends, sort of like Dean. When they'd swapped stories, they gave Dean the "Biggest sob story award." So that's something.

"Benny, hey man, you up?" Dean asked, staring through a hole in the roof of the tent. He could watch the clouds passing by, like he would do with Cas.

"Yeah, brother. What's bugging you?" Benny asked gruffly, staring out the same hole. The stars were so much brighter here than back home in Chicago. Brighter, bigger, but nearly as beautiful. They weren't his stars.

"How do you handle this? Being away from her and your family..and everything." Dean asked with his arm draped over his shoulder.

"Same way as you brother, take it day by day. How many months you get left, son?"

Dean took a deep breath, he knew this by heart. "Eight months, man."

"Eh, be glad. I've still got ten." Benny said with a frown.

"Really? You were here before me." Dean said with a twinge of pity for the man, who had come to be like a brother to Dean.

"Eighteen month tour." Benny frowned.

"That's rough."

"You know it."

"I gotta take a leak, don't wait up for me." Dean said, standing up from his place nearest the flap of the tent. The air felt humid and uncomfortable, nights like these made him miss the wind storms, no matter how long the power was out. He could rememeber one year the power was out for over a week, his apartment was like an icebox, and outside was even worse. His apartment wasn't in an area that made it a priority of the city. He ended up sleeping in the coffee shop which regained power in two days (But also had a generator.)

POP

That wasn't a firework.

"We're under fire!" Dean yelled, scrambling for cover.

* * *

"Don't make me frisk you Gabriel Novak, I'm not your mother." Castiel warned, earning an overly dramatic eye roll from Gabe before he reached into his pocket, pulling out a lighter.

"All. Of them." He warned, before Gabriel took another lighter out of his back pocket, as well as a matchbook before leaning down and taking the last lighter from his shoe.

"Do you wanna check my ass too?" He asked bitterly, earning an eye roll from Cas. "Who in their right mind needs this many lighters, and don't say you because we all know you weren't even born in a right state of mind." Castiel retorted sarcastically, which made everyone laugh, only irritating Gabriel more.

Okay, Pops are out!" Kevin said triumphantly, tossing all the empty boxes into the burn barrell.

The loud popping noise they heard was very different from what Dean Winchester was hearing across the globe.

* * *

 

The next morning, Cas was woken by banging on the front door. Everyone was here. Who could that be?

Cas opened the door to two uniformed men.

"He's dead?"

"Sir, Dean Winchester's troop was under attack last night. He's not among the dead. But Mr. Winchester is missing in action."

**_No._ **

**_  
_**No more letters, no more skypes, no more Dean.

He was missing.


	17. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM CRYING OH MY GOD. I never expected to be sitting here tonight, publishing the ending of my first real fanfic, first full fledged completed story of my life time actually. This is seriously an achievement and I'm so happy you guys joined this ride with me. Thank you.<3

Dean woke up in a haze, the worst pain radiating from his shoulder. Bullet wound, definitely. Second worst his head, easily a concussion. The real question was where the hell was he? It was like a covered pop up tent covered in green canvas. He couldn't tell if it was day or night, which was throwing him off insanely. No hints how long he'd been unconcious or how long he'd even been here.

Groaning came from across the room, making Dean's bleary eyes snap open.There was only one other person in the room, he scrambled towards the other person who had a bullet in his stomach. "Benny, brother, you're gonna be okay." He whispered, putting pressure on the wound, making Benny groan even more, "Don't lie to me brother." He laughed bitterly, clapping his hand on Dean's shoulder tightly.

"Tell Elisabeth I love her, will you?" He sputtered, blood coming out of his mouth, coughing in pain.

"No! You'll tell her yourself you fool, you've been here eight months, you can't give up now! Don't you dare leave me, you're like family Benny!" Dean said, nearly a shout. But then he stopped sputtering.

"No, no no, no! Benny!" He yelled, shaking his shoulders, crying out. He wasn't breathing. Dean sat there, his arms around his fallen friend for what may have been hours, before removing his friends dogtags and putting them around his neck.

"I don't know if there's a God, but if there's anyone out there, take care of Benny for me." He wiped his tears, ignoring his own pain. He stood up, trying to exit the tent, but someone walks in before he can, "Nope, nope, nope. Sorry, Winchester, You'll be here for quite a while." Someone said grimly, his voice like grime in a Chicago sewer back home. He knew from experience.

_"Gabriel I can't believe I'm doing this for you!" Dean yelled as he pulled the storm grate off the ground, letting it clatter next to the hole._

_"You have longer arms, now will you just get my phone!" Gabriel whined. Dean reached down into the sewer, gagging slightly until he felt Gabe's hands on his ass. "April fools, Asshole!" Then moments later, he found himself laying in a sewer, with rats running around._

_"Gabe I'm going to kill you!"_

"Who in God's name are you?"

"I'm Alastair. Your worst nightmare."

* * *

 

"Cas, sweetie, it's only been a few days. Dean's a fighter, he'll be okay. You know he will." Jo reassured from the counter of the coffeeshop early Monday morning, before the rush. Castiel sat sadly in a single table drinking a stale beer he'd found in the back fridge, with a deep frown on his face that hasn't left in days.

"Eat something would you?" She asked, putting a plate of muffins infront of him. "Dean would kill me if he came home and you had starved." She explained while starting up the coffee machine for the early stragglers.

"What if he's already dead?" Cas deadpanned, a glass shattered.

"Don't say that. God don't say that." Jo warned, tears in her eyes.

"Jo, maybe it's true!" He yelled, "You're all tip-toeing around but god dammit he might be dead! Get pissed, get upset! Don't fucking pretend it's not happening!" He screamed, pushing past a customer out of the shop. The warm air would be welcome if the circumstances were different. But instead it just made him think of Kansas summers, which only hurt him more.

_"Baby, put it in drive, no not reverse, drive!" Dean yelled, reaching across, setting the car in the right gear._

_"Dean I'm not an infant, I can change the god damn gear by myself!" Cas shot back, slamming on the brakes instead of the gas._

_"Cas it's not that fucking hard!"_

_"Yeah well you've been driving since you were fourteen, this is my first time, you asshole!"_

_"Oh I'm an asshole? Cas you're screaming at me over driving for christ sake!"_

_"So are you!"Dean grabbed Castiel's face, kissing him angerly and deeply. Castiel kissed back._

Cas walked down the street, trying hard to not think of Dean or their mountains of amazing memories, because all it did was hurt. He knew deep down he would never stray from Dean, dead or not, but right now even his name hurt every part of him. The way everyone tipped toed around him as if he were a broken child. Because maybe at some level he was a broken child. The love of his life was missing in some sandy country across the ocean possibly hurt or even dead. Who wouldn't be broken after that? Over the past nine years, lots has happened to him. But he'd never felt this broken before.

But he'd only felt this in love once.

It was Dean, and always will be Dean.

* * *

 

"Screw you asshole, I know nothing. Believe me, when I asked, I got chewed out!" Dean spat in Alastairs gace with a cocky grin on his own.

"Tell me, Winchester. Got a pretty lady at home whos going to miss you when you, when I cut you up and mail you to her express?" He grinned, playing with a knife infront of Dean's face, trying to scare him. But he wouldn't break that easily. He wouldn't break at all.

"You're all talk."

"Do you want to see if you're right?" Alastair asked, pressing the knife into Dean's cheek, cutting deep into his flesh. Dean didn't even flinch, Dean knew pain, and this wasn't even close to it.

"You know what, you pretentious dick, see if I care."

"Put your hand on the table, Deanie-boy." He sneered, Dean complied with a smirk and a cocky response, "Do you worse, baby cakes."

"Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?"

_What?_

That's when he stuck the knife through his hand.

Dean screamed, so loud that practically all of Iraq could hear him.

* * *

 

"Castiel, sweetheart it's me. Anna, maybe you should come down for a night. We used to be best friends after all. It sounds like you need a best friend." That voicemail is how Castiel found himself in his childhood home at ten oclock at night half way through their second bottle of wine and old photo albums their mother had put together.

"Oh my god, look at that bowl cut!" Anna laughed, pointing at Castiel, butt naked in the bathtub.

"Look at those bangs!" He retorted, snorting. They'd be cut (By a young Anna) far too short and slightly lopsided.

"Shut up! I'm going to bed, you know where your old room is." She smiled, patting his leg and headed up the stairs, but Cas had one more person to talk to.

"Mom?" He asked quietly, standing over his mothers frail body in her bedroom.

"Castiel? Oh sweety, what are you doing here?" She asked sitting up, pulling her son into a tight long hug, "Sweetheart, you look so much _better_. Is Gabe feeding you alright?"

"Mom I don't live with Gabriel anymore, a few months ago I moved in with Dean."

"The same Dean?" She asked, her mouth making a small 'o.'

"The same, he treats me better than I deserve and I'm in love with him."

"Sweetie, I'm happy for you." She smiled, kissing his forehead.

"Momma, he's MIA, I miss him." He whispered.

"Oh baby, he'll be okay. If I rememeber Dean, and oh boy I do. He's a strong boy, hold on, don't give up." She cooed.

* * *

 

"You thought I didn't know? See you had a letter in your shirt, address and all.." Alastair smirked, flicking out the letter which made Dean lunge for him, grabbing the knife, sticking it in Alastairs side. "You pig." He whispered before slipping out of the tent. He started North, knowing he'd hit Turkey eventually. He prayed soon, he didn't want to die in this god damn desert. He'd seen enough sand for a thousand life times.

* * *

 

Dean reached the U.S. Embassy of Adana, Turkey, four days later, nearly dead. Fracture in his shoulder from the guntshot, along with multiple stab wounds and cuts from Alastair. But he refused to die. The first night in the hospital, they let him use the phone.

"Hello?" Castiel said into the phone, sounding sullen and sad, as if he'd just been crying.

"What's got you down, bed head?" Dean asked cheerfully.

"Dean!" He exclaimed, he'd never seemed so happy to hear from him.

"Hey, Cas. I'm coming home, they say in just a few days I'll be ready to fly home."  
  
"I'll be here when you come home, Dean." He sobbed into the phone.

"Shh, baby. Don't cry. I love you."

"And you, I."

* * *

 

Opening the door of his home for the first time was like opening a Christmas present for the first time as a kid. Magical and new. There were audible gasps as it swung open. The room was full of people, his family.

"Dean." Castiel breathed.

"Cas." They hugged, and haven't stopped since.

* * *

 

"And that, is the story of my dads. This may be an assembly for Veterans, but to me, they're both _heros_." Young Zepplin smiled, standing infront of the entire elementary school body along with parents. With Castiel's hand in Dean's, he smiled. "We make a good story, don't we?" Castiel nodded, "Yeah, I think we do."


End file.
